7 ways to Beat Depression

Depression is rampant in our society, and the next 2 blogs I will be sharing ways to overcome it.

1.      Let yourself be grateful. All of us can find little things to be thankful for. We live in the most affluent nation on earth, and have many blessings that we can say “Thank you” for. Write down three things every day that are different, some specific, small things, that elicit an attitude of gratitude in you.

2.     Volunteer. Help at a homeless shelter, make meals for shut-ins, help out at a place for orphaned animals, visit elderly people in a nursing home, rake your 90 year old neighbor’s yard. All of these get the focus off of yourself, and on to someone else. Who has it worse than you. It’s guaranteed to make a person feel better. 

3.   Exercise. Even a 15 minute walk will produce some endorphins, making you feel better. However you like to exercise: biking, jogging, dancing, pilates, walking, playing tennis or basketball…choose one and then figure out how you can do it several times a week. It really works!

4.    Write. Journaling is a very successful way to overcome depression. Somehow, committing it to paper gets it out of our mind, and articulates it. That’s better than letting it sit in our head and ferment. When I journal, I try to end it with a positive thing. An inspirational saying, a Bible verse, a poem. This lifts my spirits.

5.     Read the Psalms. David was depressed for over half of the Psalms, and minced no words in expressing it. He vents quite vociferously in some places, for God isn’t afraid of emotion! But notice, in every Psalm, there is at least one verse that shows the faithfulness of God. A little light to illuminate the darkness. David knew all about the dark night, the agony of the soul.

6.   Connect with someone. It is the tendency of people who are struggling with depression to isolate themselves. Reach out, even though you don’t feel like it! Ask a safe person if you can vent to them. Let them know that they aren’t to fix you, you just want their listening ear. Don’t stay alone, and it’s best not to do it thru texting. Face-to-face contact is 100% better. 

7.   Pray about it. I mean short prayers, like “God, I have lost hope, please help me.” “What shall I do about this despair?” Then expect God to answer you, even if you have doubts. 

                            If, however, you are seriously depressed, it would be good to see a professional. Rather than judge you, the counselor will help you learn some useful tools to defeat depression. It’s worth a try! 5 sessions could well be all the person would need.

                 A word about medication. I believe that anti-depressants are God’s gift to us, but are to be used sparingly. If a person is very depressed, they might need something to get them back up to feeling decent again. But rarely should the medication be seen as a permanent solution. You need to change your thinking to get well and stay well. Medications in many cases are like the scaffolding on a house that is being built. It’s there for a while, but not there long term. Changing one’s thinking, figuring out and beating the distortions, is how one builds the house.

Talk to my kid? What do I say?

Conversation. What do you talk about with your teen or adult child? Following are some questions to get conversations going! Let's turn our devices off and TALK! Only by face to face contact can people learn confidence, emotional regulation, and empathy. (Dr. Thomas Kersting) So let's TALK!


Questions to deepen a relationship with a teen or young adult child:

(Note: Be ready to answer these questions yourself, or even first to get things going)

1.    What’s the best thing that’s happened in the last day/week/month?

2.    Who is your hero/heroine? What do you admire about him/her?

3.    Tell about your favorite book/movie/musician.

4.    Where would you like to visit if money were no object? What intrigues you about this place?

5.    If you were given a million dollars, what would you do with it?

6.    Tell about a funny incident that made you laugh & laugh.

7.    Who was your favorite TV, movie, or cartoon character growing up?

8.     What is your favorite thing to wear?

9.     Where did you grow up?

10.  Did you ever have a nickname?

11.  What was your favorite song as a teenager?

12.  How old were you when you had your first job? What was it?

13.  What was your favorite toy?

14.  Tell about your pets when you were growing up.

15.  When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why?

**************************************A little more personal *************************************

16. Tell about a time you were proud of yourself.

17.  What about our family do you think are strengths? Areas we can grow in?

18. What qualities are you looking for in a future spouse?

19. How do you cope with feelings of nervousness?

20. How do you cope with feelings of inferiority?

21. What is one of your deepest hopes?

22. Tell about one of your fondest dreams.

23. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years? 10 years? 25 years? 

24.  If you had only 2 months to live, what would you do?

25. If you had a magic wand, what social problem would you change? How?

Only by returning to the face-to-face conversation can our kids (of any age) grow to be emotionally mature adults. We need it too, so let's TALK!

Screentime is Making Kids Moody, Crazy, and Lazy

All of us are affected by screen use. Read on...
Children or teens who are “revved up” and prone to rages or—alternatively—who are depressed and apathetic have become disturbingly commonplace. Chronically irritable children are often in a state of abnormally high arousal, and may seem “wired and tired.” That is, they’re agitated but exhausted. Because chronically high arousal levels impact memory and the ability to relate, these kids are also likely to struggle academically and socially.
At some point, a child with these symptoms may be given a mental-health diagnosis such as major depression, bipolar disorder, or ADHD, and offered corresponding treatments, including therapy and medication. But often these treatments don’t work very well, and the downward spiral continues.
What’s happening?
Both parents and clinicians may be “barking up the wrong tree.” That is, they’re trying to treat what looks like a textbook case of mental disorder, but failing to rule out and address the most common environmental cause of such symptoms—everyday use of electronics. Time and again, I’ve realized that regardless of whether there exists any “true” underlying diagnoses, successfully treating a child with mood dysregulation today requires methodically eliminating all electronics use for several weeks—an “electronics fast”—to allow the nervous system to “reset.”
If done correctly, this intervention can produce deeper sleep, a brighter and more even mood, better focus and organization, and an increase in physical activity. The ability to tolerate stress improves, so meltdowns diminish in both frequency and severity. The child begins to enjoy the things they used to, is more drawn to nature, and imaginary or creative play returns. In teens and young adults, an increase in self-directed behavior is observed—the exact opposite of apathy and hopelessness.

It’s a beautiful thing.
At the same time, the electronic fast reduces or eliminates the need for medication while rendering other treatments more effective. Improved sleep, more exercise, and more face-to-face contact with others compound the benefits—an upward spiral! After the fast, once the brain is reset, the parent can carefully determine how much if any electronics use the child can tolerate without symptoms returning.
Restricting electronics may not solve everything, but it’s often the missing link in treatment when kids are stuck.
But why is the electronic fast intervention so effective? Because it reverses much of the physiological dysfunction produced by daily screen time.
Children’s brains are much more sensitive to electronics use than most of us realize. In fact, contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t take much electronic stimulation to throw a sensitive and still-developing brain off track. Also, many parents mistakenly believe that interactive screen-time—Internet or social media use, texting, emailing, and gaming—isn’t harmful, especially compared to passive screen time like watching TV. In fact, interactive screen time is more likely to cause sleep, mood, and cognitive issues, because it’s more likely to cause hyperarousal and compulsive use.

Here’s a look at six physiological mechanisms that explain electronics’ tendency to produce mood disturbance:

1. Screen time disrupts sleep and desynchronizes the body clock.

Because light from screen devices mimics daytime, it suppresses melatonin, a sleep signal released by darkness. Just minutes of screen stimulation can delay melatonin release by several hours and desynchronize the body clock. Once the body clock is disrupted, all sorts of other unhealthy reactions occur, such as hormone imbalance and brain inflammation. Plus, high arousal doesn’t permit deep sleep, and deep sleep is how we heal.

2. Screen time desensitizes the brain’s reward system.

Many children are “hooked” on electronics, and in fact gaming releases so much dopamine—the “feel-good” chemical—that on a brain scan it looks the same as cocaine use. But when reward pathways are overused, they become less sensitive, and more and more stimulation is needed to experience pleasure. Meanwhile, dopamine is also critical for focus and motivation, so needless to say, even small changes in dopamine sensitivity can wreak havoc on how well a child feels and functions.

3. Screen time produces “light-at-night.”
Light-at-night from electronics has been linked to depression and even suicide risk in numerous studies. In fact, animal studies show that exposure to screen-based light before or during sleep causes depression, even when the animal isn’t looking at the screen. Sometimes parents are reluctant to restrict electronics use in a child’s bedroom because they worry the child will enter a state of despair—but in fact removing light-at-night is protective.
4. Screen time induces stress reactions.
Both acute stress (fight-or-flight) and chronic stress produce changes in brain chemistry and hormones that can increase irritability. Indeed, cortisol, the chronic stress hormone, seems to be both a cause and an effect of depression—creating a vicious cycle. Additionally, both hyperarousal and addiction pathways suppress the brain’s frontal lobe, the area where mood regulation actually takes place.
5. Screen time overloads the sensory system, fractures attention, and depletes mental reserves. 
Experts say that what’s often behind explosive and aggressive behavior is poor focus. When attention suffers, so does the ability to process one’s internal and external environment, so little demands become big ones. By depleting mental energy with high visual and cognitive input, screen time contributes to low reserves. One way to temporarily “boost” depleted reserves is to become angry, so meltdowns actually become a coping mechanism.
6. Screen-time reduces physical activity levels and exposure to “green time.”
Research shows that time outdoors, especially interacting with nature, can restore attention, lower stress, and reduce aggression. Thus, time spent with electronics reduces exposure to natural mood enhancers.
In today’s world, it may seem crazy to restrict electronics so drastically. But when kids are struggling, we’re not doing them any favors by leaving electronics in place and hoping they can wind down by using electronics in “moderation.” It just doesn’t work. In contrast, by allowing the nervous system to return to a more natural state with a strict fast, we can take the first step in helping a child become calmer, stronger, and happier.
This story was written by Victoria L. Dunckley, M.D. Victoria is an integrative child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist, the author of Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen Time.

Avoiding Pain Can Kill You

“My kids are adversity deficient,” said one parent with insight. “Wow, he’s on the right track,” I thought. Adversity deficient. That almost seems like an oxymoron at first glance. Who wants adversity? Don’t we try to do everything in our power to overcome adversity? We take pills to numb pain, we take the easy way out in everything, we strive to live the good life, free from all negative things.

But what are we learning? Worse yet, what are we teaching our children? That life should be easy? That all pain and sorrow is to be avoided?

I have news for you. It won’t happen. Everyone is bound to suffer some type of loss, hardship, and suffering. Better that we learn young how to meet it, and bounce back. That’s called resilience. And our children need to learn it desperately. So do some of us.

What will happen to our kids when they grow up and then lose their job? When the patio door shatters? When they don’t have enough money to pay the light bill? When their beloved dog dies? When their spouse gets mad at them for not taking out the garbage? When their car breaks down unexpectedly?

A quote I came across recently said “Oh, that our children would learn to be devastated on the soccer field at age 6. Don’t let the first disappointment be in college at age 19.” (Wendy Mogel, psychologist)

But we give them participation trophies for doing nothing (other than showing up), and I even heard of a basketball game for children where they’re not allowed to steal the ball, but get praised for hogging it and carrying it down to the other end of the court. What?

Let me quote from an article:

            “Kids grow up in a reality show world, thinking of themselves as the central characters on the stage. They have a Facebook page, they are famous in their own minds, they are like rock stars, and to them there is no room (and no need) for true emotional empathy, or self examination, or personal responsibility. Nor is there any incentive or motivation to learn to work. And they think they are entitled not to have limits or boundaries or discipline.” (Richard and Linda Eyre The Entitlement Trap, p. 14)

What are kids going to do when they discover that they are not so important? That they are not the center of the universe? That life isn’t all about having fun? That they aren’t so special or exceptional that they can do anything that they want to …without much effort?

They might harm themselves. Or worse, kill themselves, thinking “If I can’t have what I want, life isn’t worth living…” Suicide is the period at the end of a sentence that no one is hearing. It’s also a permanent solution for a temporary problem. And it’s starting to be a problem at a younger and younger age.

I want to scare you. I want to frighten you into changing how you parent. Into setting more limits on media and cell phones. Into intentional teaching of gratitude, through projects. A change in our own attitudes.

Kids need two things to grow up with hope:

1) They need to be able to handle disappointment well. (Do your kids?)

2) They need to have realistic expectations for life. (Do your kids?)

Gratitude is the answer to both of these. A book called Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World  by Kristen Welch, gives positive, concrete answers at the end of each chapter to parents looking for ways to teach their kids to be thankful. Remember, we have to TEACH thankfulness to kids, the default mode is self-centeredness, the “selfie.”

There isn’t time in this blog to address the social media and cell phone problem. Perhaps I’ll address that in another blog. But suffice it to say, that there is a marked increase in depression resulting from these things. I’ve seen it in the counseling room. I’ve even experienced it in my own life. How do we combat it, for those we love the most?

Some suggestions:      

            1) Have one day a week media free.

            2) Monitor texting and other conversations. An app that is helpful is www.TeenSafe.com

            3) Create a family mission statement and hang it on the wall. Then refer to it when making decisions about spending money and time priorities.

            4) Clean out closets & drawers, and urge your kids to give away not only what they don’t want anymore, but something they really love to share with someone else.

            5) Challenge them to compare themselves with those in poverty, not just the neighbor down the street.  Spend time with those less fortunate on monthly field trips.

            6) Let your kids be bored once in a while. It’s a healthy exercise to spark creativity.

            7) Resist the urge to tell your kids they are special. Instead say, “God made you unique, there’s no one else like you.”

            8) Create a chore routine. A “job jar” which contains written chores that the kids draw out is one way to do Saturday cleaning.

            9) Look for opportunities to serve outside your home: rake someone’s yard, make cookies for neighbors, clean up trash at the park. Visit a homeless shelter or a cancer ward together.

            10) Resist the urge to bail your child out, especially if it is a repeat offense like being forgetful or irresponsible. They won’t die if they don’t have lunch one day, but they’ll remember it from now on.

            11) Have a meal of rice and beans once a month, or every two weeks. It is, after all, how most of the world lives.

            12) Watch your mouth. Negative talk can influence how we think. Hand out rubber bands, and every time you complain, snap it. Do this for 24 hours. This can show you how much you grumble, and encourage you to talk positively.

These are a few of the suggestions from Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. The sub-title is How One Family Learned that Saying No Can Lead to Life’s Biggest Yes.

We want our kids to say YES to life! How vital to teach them these things! Focus on character, in ourselves and our kids. It’ll be hard at first, but the end result will bring joy to everyone. Instead of sorrow…

Don’t let your kids have a deficiency of adversity. Let them learn gratitude instead.

  

We went to Thailand....

Our hearts are full because of what God did on our trip to Thailand. Let me share with you some of the highlights...

The first four days we were ministering in a little church in Bangkok. It was headed by a woman, and her daughter played a key role. Wow! They are such servants, and impressed us with their giving, loving hearts. They really gave us a lot of food, they kept cooking stuff for us! We fell in love with some of the kids, all of whom are from unchurched families. (It reminded me of the Sandvik Center, where we made sandwiches for the people off the streets.) They went around and got low income kids to come to their kids club, where they did crafts, taught English, and taught them Bible stories and songs.  I was able to teach them a Go-Kids song, which they sang very enthusiastically for their parents on Saturday.

Most of Thailand is Buddhist, and we have been amazed at the testimonies of people, how they got saved. One guy saw a cross at 14, and wondered what it meant. That started a journey of inquiry, and today he's a pastor; the only Christian in his family. Another guy is 26 and has a food business. He was drawn to Christ because he was so lonely, and the people who taught English were so warm and loving. A couple came here from the Philippines, and have run a home for poor children for 17 years, with miraculous provision from God; it reminded me of George Mueller! Some of the graduates from their children's home are today pastors, teachers, and stable community leaders.

Jerry had the opportunity to serve in a practical way, his wisdom in building was used for building a stage for a church. He was the team photographer, that's something he did with relish! I had the opportunity to paint windows and doors at the ever-expanding Hope House (the children's home). Jerry provided much valuable help laying the floor for a new dining room. One of our team members made 20 quilts that she donated to Hope House.

Then we went to Changmai , a town in the north.  Here we had a two-day our marriage seminar, I was able to teach a small part of it. We stayed in the most beautiful resort! We were suffering for the Lord...(ha). The goal was to serve the ministry partners, who come from hard places like Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal, and they were very blessed. We made some friends there, and will continue to keep in touch with them. One young couple asked for parenting advice. That's right up my alley!

Finally we had a fun day, and rode elephants at an elephant park. Can you believe they even showed us how they could train elephants to paint pictures?!?!
We went to several Buddhist temples, and my heart was saddened seeing people bow down to idols. So much darkness. I read a book while I was there: The Boy with a Bamboo Heart, by Dr. A. Wathanavongs, about a Thai orphan child who was befriended by missionaries. He grew up to start a charity of his own, which today serves poor Thai children. It profoundly impacted me, and I'm praying for God to raise up more "Dr. A's" like him.



The people we worked with, both ministry partner couples from the United States, were very sacrificial. They bent over backwards, going out of their way to serve us, and see that we had a marvelous experience. Our hearts were greatly humbled by their love and devotion to the Thai people.

The trip really expanded our hearts, we had never felt love for this part of the world before. The Thai people are so polite, even deferential, that they are a joy to be around. Our hearts are overflowing right now, it will take a while to process it all. I can only think of one of my favorite Scriptures, that is when people from every tribe, people group, language, and nation gather around the throne to worship Him. How glorious that will be!

7 Tips for Beating Anxiety

Anxiety has replaced depression as the Number 1 mental health problem in the country.

  Here are some techniques to help overcome anxiety:

1) Change the “What if’s” to “What next?” This switches our thinking from the imaginary to the real: from awfulizing to seeking solutions, from the huge, nebulous, fear-filled unknown   to the next concrete step we can take. It empowers us and most importantly changes our focus.

2) Our focus determines our experience! What am I focusing on? The negative? If ten people

compliment my new haircut, and only one says she doesn’t like it, do we focus on the ONE negative?!

3) Choose to believe that “I am not a victim, I can control my attitude about this. Although I cannot control other people or the circumstances, I can control my own attitude.”

4) When we make mistakes, we need to admit it, and then stop beating ourselves.  “I made a mistake, that doesn't mean I have no value, nor does it negate all the good in my life.”  One person said, “There are no such things as mistakes, only lessons.” What can I learn from this one?

5) Make it a goal to say at least one positive thing to as many family members & friends as possible, and   to yourself each day.

6) Some people find it useful to limit their worrying to 15-20 minutes a day. At 8:00, set the timer for  8:15. During this 15 minutes, WORRY, do all the “What if’s,” and think of solutions to the worst case scenerios. Then when the timer rings, put all the worries back into a Worry Box, and don’t worry about them again until tomorrow, at the Worry Time. Elementary kids can even make a physical Worry Box that they put their worries in, until Worry Time. This really works! I use it all the time with my clients.

7) People of faith recognize that ultimately humans are not in control.  This is very helpful to remind ourselves if our belief system includes the idea that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. It allows us to relinquish control.

We can get the upper hand on anxiety! Exchange it for the peace that passes understanding.

10 Essential Traits of Emotional Health

Am I emotionally healthy? We all ask ourselves that from time to time, if we are self-aware. Here is a list of 10 traits that will tell you how emotionally healthy you are.

1.      Are you honest? With yourself and others? Personal strength and emotional stability is built on integrity and transparency.

2.      Are you peaceful? Overlook offenses, stay calm and serene: these are things to strive for. Don’t fall into what John Bevere calls The Bait of Satan: offenses. Bitterness is lethal.

3.      Are you grateful? One of the best markers of emotional stability is humility, and this is shown by how grateful you are. We have a lot to be thankful for! Stop and count your blessings daily.

4.      Are you positive? You choose whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, whether you look at the bright side of things or the dark side. Smile, laugh, and enjoy your life!

5.      Are you connected? Stay close to those who love you. Work at those relationships We’re not meant to go through life alone.

6.      Are you determined? Keep your eyes on the goal, and resist distractions. You can re-evaluate your goals regularly, and cut out what is not helping you reach them.

7.      Are you intentional? Get rid of haphazard and random living. Stay deliberate and purposeful.

8.      Are you balanced? Keep work, love, projects, and people integrated in a finely tuned harmony. Don’t fall prey to the extremes that try to tempt all of us to live an unbalanced life.

9.      Are you strong? Be known for the best attitude, best effort, and best character. Finish strong. Do not be easily frustrated or angry when things don’t go your way. Use obstacles to strengthen your character and develop a higher frustration tolerance. This will make you strong in ways that really matter.

10.  Are you hopeful? Remain confident that your future is filled with the promise of good things to come. God is faithful.

Whether you are just recovering from years of addiction, a CEO of a large company, or a housewife, whatever your life circumstances, take stock of yourself. What one or two qualities can you improve in?

This was taken from JourneyToRecovery.com by Dr. Hal Baumchen.