I recently heard a TED talk by Peter Gray, a researcher on
play. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg-GEzM7iTk&nohtml5=False He took time to explain how play is important to mammals, and serves to
prepare one for the world by teaching all kinds of skills, such as solving
their own problems, empathy, creatively thinking for themselves, and getting
along with others.
Then he said something so profound, that I have to write a
blog on it! He said, “ Self-directed play gives it its educative power.”
Wow! SELF-DIRECTED play! That means not sports, where kids are directed by adults what to do. Not games organized by adults. Not anything that adults are involved in. SELF-DIRECTED play. I can see how it teaches kids skills.
But what has happened to play in the last 6 decides? He argues that is has declined. The amount of time allotted for play has been eaten away. The number one culprit? SCHOOL! Schools in the 50’s allowed ½ hour for recess in the morning and the afternoon. And 1 hour for lunch. And homework for elementary kids was unheard of!
“Today,” he states “The world is less friendly for children.” Now, lest you think he advocates turning the clock back, he concedes that there are many things we have improved on since the 50’s. BUT meeting our children’s needs is NOT one of them!
“Kids are more
depressed than people were in the Great Depressions, more anxious than they
were during the Cold War…” he states. It’s no secret that mental illness has
risen exponentially among young people. Just look at the suicide rate!
There’s a direct correlation between a decline in play and a rise in depression and anxiety in kids. If, as the researchers claim, play teaches kids what I mentioned above (solving their own problems, empathy, creatively thinking for themselves, and getting along with others), it stands to reason that children would be more depressed and anxious. For without such skills, they easily develop a victim mentality.
Psychologists call this an
“external locus of control.” They believe that “things happen to me,” I have no
control. That’s as opposed to an “internal locus of control,” where you make
things happen. It’s like two different ways of looking at life. I can either
“make it a good day,” by choosing to make the best of what ever comes my way.
Or I can lament that “I’m having a bad day,” through no fault of my own, and
don’t you feel sorry for me?
So, how can you allow for more play, self-directed, for your kids? For one thing, don’t over-schedule them. They need free time to interact with other kids more than they need to be on another soccer team.
Another way is to plan play dates with their friends. Then stay out of their activities! Encourage them to be bored sometimes! This is hard for us, who want to entertain them every second.
Limit their time on screens, make them earn it.
Here is some added insights on boys that I want to publicize in this blog. It’s from a post by a mental health researcher named Charlie Hoehn, who wrote his thoughts down right after the Vegas shooting.. https://byrslf.co/thoughts-on-the-vegas-shooting-14af397cee2c
Men in the United States are deprived of play opportunities.
Homo sapiens play more than any other species. It’s impossible to
prevent a human from playing. We play shortly after we are born, and the
healthiest (and least stressed) humans tend to play for their entire lives.
Play may be God’s greatest gift to
mankind. It’s how we form friendships, and learn skills, and master difficult
things that help us survive. Play is a release valve for stress, and an outlet
for creativity. Play brings us music, comedy, dance, and everything we value.
Above all, play is how we bond
with each other — it’s how we
communicate “I am safe to be around, I am not a threat.” Play is how we form
connections with other humans.
The irony is that loneliness would
not be a problem if we all got ample time to play. Not only would we have
deeper friendships, we’d also have better relationships with
ourselves.
Play allows us to enjoy our own company.
There is a strong correlation with play
deprivation and mental illness.
When you deprive mammals of play,
it leads to chronic depression. When you deprive a human child of play, their
mental and emotional health deteriorate. Play suppression has enormous health
consequences.
“But the Vegas shooter loved to gamble!
He went on cruises!”
That’s not the type of play I’m
talking about.
To better understand this dynamic,
we need to look at the background of another mass shooter.
In 1966, Charles Whitman shot his
wife and mother. Then, he climbed up the tower at the University of Texas in
Austin, and shot 46 people. In total, he murdered 16 people. At the time, this
was the biggest mass shooting of its kind in United States history.
Dr. Stuart Brown and his team of
researchers were commissioned to find out what “The Texas Sniper” had in common
with other mass murderers.
They gained a key insight when
they examined their childhoods.
Brown recalls:
“None of them engaged in healthy
rough-and-tumble play. The linkages that lead to Charles Whitman producing this
crime was an unbelievable suppression of play behavior throughout his life by a
very overbearing, very disturbed father.
Healthy and joyful play must be
had in order to thrive. Boys need to wrestle with their dads, and they need to
roughhouse with other boys. Parents and teachers need to play with their kids.
But more importantly, they need to
encourage those kids to go out and play. And then,
let them be.
“It’s 10 o’clock. Do you know where your kids are?”
Ever since that famous ad aired,
parents have shamed each other into watching their kids like a hawk.
If you let your kid walk up the
street alone, you’ll either get a call from another parent, or the cops will
pick them up. Our kids are stripped of their right to experience life on their
own terms.
In an effort to improve our kids’
test scores and beef up their future resumes, we’ve stripped away nearly all of
their free play opportunities. Recess has been sacrificed in the name of
Scantrons, and pills are prescribed to the kids whose bodies and minds cry out
for play.
The result: A generation of the most anxious, depressed, and suicidal American
children on record.
This is in alignment with Dr. Peter Gray’s research, who studied the epidemic of
mental illness and the decline in play:
“Over
the past half century, in the United States and other developed nations,
children’s free play with other children has declined sharply. Over the same
period, anxiety, depression, suicide, feelings of helplessness, and narcissism
have increased sharply in children, adolescents, and young adults… The decline in play has contributed to the rise
in the psychopathology of young people.
This is why I believe mental
illness may be the biggest health crisis of our lifetimes. Because those kids
will grow up into isolated adults who don’t know how to play, or seek out their
friends when they are lonely. They have no emotional support.
They are alone.
*****
If you’ve
read this far, you know my passion is to prepare the next generation for
leadership. I weep and shudder at the deficits that the past 50 years have
brought to kids. But we can turn it around.
With God’s help we can bring
healing and health to those we love. Let's let the kids mature as God intended. Let's revive good old-fashioned play.
