An excellent way to improve self-esteem, build
character, teach collaborative problem solving, and give children voice is to
hold family meetings. Here are several tips for conducting them:
1) Start with appreciations or compliments. Each person
tells other family members something they appreciate about them in the past
week. “I appreciate how you helped me
with the dinner last night.” “I think you were generous when you gave your
cookie to Joey.”
2) Choose a topic to discuss and ask for input on how to
solve it. “Let’s talk about how to deal
with the problem of computer time. How can we stop the fighting that happens
after school when everyone wants to use it?”
3) Each family member takes a turn suggesting solutions to
the problem. Treat each other with respect, regardless of whether you agree
with their idea.
4) Set ground rules: no interrupting, no put-downs, keep a
calm voice. Everyone needs to feel safe and heard. The goal is to solve the
problem (if possible) but even more importantly, to teach mutual respect.
5) Brainstorm! This is a valuable skill to teach. Can you
collectively come up with eight possible solutions? The key is to refrain from
judging or evaluating the potential solutions until you are done brainstorming.
It’s fun and energizing to let the creative juices flow.
6) If a problem cannot be solved in a meeting, table it
until the next one.
7) End the meeting with a treat and a fun activity if
possible.
8) Remember, meetings are more effective if you have them
every week, not on the parent’s whim or only when there is a crisis.
9) Rather than engaging in an argument in the heat of the
moment, say, “Let’s put this on the agenda for the next family meeting.” That
gives you and the kids the opportunity to cool down, and they will look forward
to being heard. Keep the family meetings a forum for thoughtful discussion.
10) Start and end the meetings on time. Set a timer so the
kids know it will not drag on. Keep them short (fifteen minutes if you have
preschoolers, thirty to forty minutes maximum if you have teens).
More family meetings advice is offered in Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline books.
This is taken from chapter 10 of Jump-Starting Boys: Help Your Reluctant Learner Find Success in School and Life, publ. 2013 by Viva Editions.
