Tuesday, May 19, 2020

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going..."


We don’t know what the post-Covid world will look like, but one thing we need no matter what is resilience. When we get knocked down, we come back up again. And ALL of us have experienced being knocked down somehow, whether it is a big disappointment of not being able to go on a trip (that’s us, we were going to go to Ireland),  have a graduation ceremony, a wedding, or whether it be the little frustrations that build from being around the same people day after day.

I don’t know about you, but I’m really ready for this lockdown to be over! But, because people are still holed up in their houses, some more than others, I thought I’d publish today a list of tips by my boss, on how to maintain emotional health during this time. So, below are 10 tips on staying sane, and hanging onto hope that this will be over someday!

The tips come from nearly 40 years of mental health experience working with clients, and are very sound. Dr. Hal Baumchen, PsyD, LP, LADC has some good things to say here, and I hope you all benefit from them. Remember, the goal is to build resilience, not be perfect. We CAN pick ourselves up and keep going. Even if we get knocked down (did anyone say fail?) again and again, we can get up again and again.

When my granddaughter was learning to cross country ski, she fell 146 times (she counted) and picked herself up EVERY TIME! This is a picture of our lives, and we can choose to do the same.

Maintaining Emotional Health During Difficult Circumstances by Hal Baumchen, PsyD, LP, LADC
 We are living in trying times. Everyone has been affected, some a little, and some terribly. Very few can say that life is the same. How can we get through? What can be done? The strategies you’ve used to maintain your sobriety and mental health must be fortified in times of stress, not relaxed.
 Here are ten suggestions to help you navigate the present and prepare for the future.

1)      Maintain a Routine If your work or school schedule has been interrupted or altered, there is a tendency to disregard your normal life patterns and structure. This only causes more emotional chaos and disorder. Letting your routine collapse increases feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair. Instead, stick to a schedule and maintain an organized, productive daily routine. Set an alarm, get dressed, and maintain good hygiene. Continue a healthy eating plan and get enough sleep. Limit staying up late playing video games, watching movies, or extravagant online spending. Also watch for a tendency to justify self-indulgent activities and schedule compromises because “it doesn’t matter.” Maintain your routine, then when the crisis ends, you’ll be ready to return instead of looking for the car keys and your work shoes like so many others.

2)      Exercise Your Work Muscles When you don’t work out physically, your body gets lazy and flabby. When you don’t work or go to school, your effort declines, your stamina deteriorates, and your enthusiasm is diminished. It seems to me that unless exercised, your desire and ability to work quickly erode. To preserve your current work ethic and level of performance, you must stay engaged and active. Your wit, mental speed, interest level, motivation, and energy levels all quickly wither if not maintained. To do this, make plans and design projects that are engaging and interesting. Set priorities, challenges, and deadlines for yourself. Stay accountable to others. Work with others (electronically) if you can and commit to certain tasks in advance when possible. This will boost self-esteem and create a sense of purpose and accomplishment.


3)      Exercise Your Body Physical activity and exercise kick-start your body’s natural antidepressant ability and acts like anti-anxiety medication. Mix up your activities to reduce boredom. Try walking, biking, running, doing calisthenics, bowling, volleyball, yoga, ping pong, swimming, Frisbee golf, basketball, canoeing or lifting weights. Although more difficult with social distancing, some of these can be done as solo activities. Exercise tones and maintains the vitality of your body, and is also useful to increase self-esteem, distract yourself, and increase confidence. Spending 20-30 minutes exercising each day serves as an important part of your anxiety management and recovery program.

4)      Abstain from Alcohol, Drugs, and Tobacco It is often a natural reaction to try to dull the pain of depression or calm the anxiety in times of distress. However, drinking alcohol or using drugs will only make the problem worse. Alcohol and drugs may make you feel better for a very short time, but self-medicating in this way often leads to serious overuse. Alcohol use impairs judgment and can easily lead to compromises in protective safety measures during this current pandemic. Chronic use of alcohol makes many people feel more depressed and withdrawal from alcohol adds to anxiety. Additionally, alcohol interferes with most psychotropic medications and may decrease their effectiveness and increase the risk and severity of side effects. If you don’t drink, don’t start. If you do drink, don’t use difficult circumstances to justify drinking more. Limit alcohol and abstain from drug use and get help when you need it. Also, studies indicate nicotine users have more than twice the likelihood of developing depression as those who do not smoke. For some, smoking is another form of self-medicating that creates more problems than it solves.

5)      Maintain a Positive Attitude Being optimistic and thinking positively can greatly reduce your anxiety level. Doubt and worry about the future will make you more anxious. Instead, learn to repeat positive statements to yourself such as: “I can get through this” or “I am making progress” or “this difficulty is manageable.” Review what went right, not what might go wrong in the future. Reviewing negative scenarios and having pessimistic thoughts can raise anxiety to extreme levels. Positive self-talk can be a way to calm yourself and reduce your overall stress level. Like many things suggested previously, this is a skill to develop and needs to be done every day. Work to recognize negative thoughts, reject them, replace with something positive, and repeat positive thoughts regularly. This simple practice will create an optimistic attitude and positive outlook.


6)      Rest, Relax, and Distract Stress is a natural response to change and challenges. The stress response floods your body with adrenaline and cortisol in preparation for “fight or flight,” breathing and heart rate increase, and you get a surge of energy. Stress management techniques bring your system back into balance: deepening your breathing, reducing stress hormones, slowing your heart rate, lowering your blood pressure, and relaxing your muscles. Use meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation to develop a relaxation response. Getting away from the present situation for just a little bit will help you calm down and put things in perspective. Find ways to take enjoyment breaks, pausing to notice your surroundings, being mindful of the wonder of the environment and the beauty of the people around you. Take a break from the daily grind. Find fun-filled and light-hearted distractions. Intersperse periods of rest within your day.

7)      Recommit to Your Purpose It’s vital not to lose sight of your purpose and life goals even in a crisis. Although you may be in survival mode now, as a new normal develops, you will have an opportunity to once again concentrate on important tasks and dreams. Remain intentional with your time, personal energy, and financial resources. Resist the urge to be random, scattered, and haphazard. Clarify your goals and pursue them wholeheartedly. Self-esteem goes up when you consistently live in harmony with your values, and it goes down when values and lifestyles conflict. Stick to your purpose in life and continue to develop your positive character traits. Take this opportunity to grow spiritually, develop as a person, and cultivate meaningful relationships.


8)      Stay Socially Connected Currently many countries around the world are on moderate to strict lockdown. Citizens are asked to stay at home, limit travel, visit in very small groups, and maintain 2 meters of distance between people. Large entertainment venues have closed. Many people are working from home when they can, and many others have lost their jobs. All of these things have greatly increased stress and have caused a degree of social disconnection. Perhaps you miss talking to co-workers at the water cooler, commuting with others, gathering in a restaurant with friends, attending family gatherings, going to church, or attending a support group. Work to keep social distancing from becoming social isolation. Use technology resources whenever you can to stay in contact with friends and family. Resist the urge to not visit because you couldn’t visit in person. Make it your goal to check on others who may be struggling. Common stressful situations are often instant conversation starters and shared experiences can quickly become the foundation of a new and lasting friendship.

9)      Maintain Resilience Stay positive and hopeful. You can bounce back from hard times and difficult circumstances. Resilience tends to be weakened by poor physical health and emotional stress. Our immune system and emotional maintenance system are both impaired by exhaustion, worry, poor eating and sleeping habits, harmful addictions, and a lack of regular exercise. By improving your emotional and physical health, your resilience will grow. The graphic to the right reveals some of the numerous components of resilience. Be flexible, laugh at yourself and this present situation when you can, and believe that you can weather this storm. Get around positive people who can support and encourage you without criticism or judgment. Using these components helps you build a strong emotional defense system.


10)  Manage Your Emotional Health by Working with Your Physician Having physical problems and health conditions can be stressful, cause anxiety, and can make anxiety worse. While some medications are helpful, others can add to anxiety. Antidepressants and other medications can be useful to reduce anxiety symptoms, and while anti-anxiety medications do work at first, they can pose long-term addiction risks. Review your health concerns, in detail, with your physician and follow their advice. Remember, if a doctor put you on a medication, let the doctor determine if and when you should change or discontinue it. If you have other illnesses or health concerns, don’t let fear keep you from obtaining necessary medical care.

Staying Positive and Strong Because stress is inevitable, managing it becomes our only option. Both mental health and substance use disorders increase stress levels. Managing stress also means managing your mental health symptoms and substance use disorder. Look for positive ways to cope with the difficulties of everyday life. Resist the urge to eliminate all stress or avoid everything that causes you to be anxious. Instead, become more resilient, face your fears, overcome life’s difficulties, and do whatever you can to strengthen your health and recovery.

You can do it! Become more resilient, no matter how hard life gets. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going,” we used to say. Become strong, tough, and resilient. You’ll be glad.


Wednesday, May 6, 2020

The One Secret


I spend a lot of time alone. (Many of us do!) The other day, seeing people walking and talking together, I was wishing I could have more friends. Then, one weekend, I was with friends practically non-stop. And I cried out “Help, I need some alone time!”

Contentment.  How elusive it is! Yet are there some secrets we can learn that will bring us to experience more of it? I told my granddaughter I knew the secret of happiness. I had her attention. It is: wanting what we have, not wanting what we can’t have.

How simple. Yet, how hard. The hardest commandment to keep is the last one: you shall not covet. Jealousy is part of our fallen nature. It was jealousy that led Lucifer astray. It was jealousy of God himself that led Adam and Eve to eat the fruit – jealousy is a lack of faith that God has our best in mind!
 
Jealousy takes many forms. Comparing ourselves to someone else, and wishing for their gifts. Particularly lethal is wishing our spouse would be like him/her.   Wanting more money, a certain car, house, or type of clothing. Aspiring to a ministry is ok, but where is the line between honestly hoping to do something great, and bitter jealousy or selfish ambition? We all can relate to some of these, perhaps all of them.

I’ve found that I need to be honest with myself when I’m jealous of someone else.  Only then can I deal with it. Whether it’s a small thing like “I wish I had more friends,” or a big thing like “Why did Psychology Today call about our book, but never followed up on it?” (this happened with our book),  I need to talk to myself directly. I can talk myself down from feeling discontented if I want to, if I am honest about it, really admitting that I am jealous of someone else. If I want to.  Perhaps I need some time to feel sorry for myself. But, the negative comments, the complaining that comes from a discontented soul…is that worth it?

There are three things that contribute to contentment.

1) Gratitude is part of the answer. We have so much to be thankful for! Think about if you lived in a war-torn country, or a developing nation. Then our “first world problems” wouldn’t seem so big! Or imagine if you were disabled somehow. The smallest thing would be a victory.

I often do this exercise with my clients. Imagine you are blind for a minute. Then list two things you are grateful you can see. The same for hearing: two things that give you pleasure to listen to. Imagine two things that you love to touch, two things you love to smell, and you love to taste. What a joy it is, listing 10 things they are grateful for! The smallest things we take for granted can be recognized as pleasures.

Our Intensive Outpatient Program uses gratitude to bring healing to its participants. Each person has to come up with three things they are thankful for every day - and they can’t be the same. One lady said that changes her attitude first thing in the morning, planning what she is going to say. Amazing.

2) The second part is intentionality. . The other day I was having one of those pity-parties. I let myself cry and feel sorry for myself for a while. But then I thought, “I spend the whole week, trying to get others to think positive thoughts, yet here I am, in the depths…” Just then I happened to look in the rearview mirror (I was driving). There was a man in the car behind me who reminded me of a dear friend, a pastor who was so kind and caring. I decided to think about him for a while, remembering words he had spoken, things he had done. Before I knew it, I was out of the dumps, thinking more rational and positive thoughts. 

But it was intentionality that did it. If I hadn’t wanted  to, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of the doldrums like that. The mind naturally goes to negative thoughts unless effort and intentionality are used.

3) The third tool that helps us achieve contentment is perspective. How long do we have to put up with pain, sorrow, heartache? I’d like to quote John MacArthur in this one “A person’s ability to bear up under sorrow is directly related to his ability to focus on the eternal, rather than the temporal.” (Bible Commentary) The Bible says “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory far beyond comparison. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen…” (II Cor 4:17, 18a)
One client who was real depressed told me how to encourage her: “Just tell me that this too shall pass.” It sounds simple, but it requires us to dial in to a different paradigm. That all of this life is just temporary, a preparation for the next one.

In conclusion, if we focus on what we do have rather than what we don’t/can’t have; if we want to, we can choose to be content. Sometimes we need to play tricks on our minds to get them there, but we can. If we focus on the unseen rather than the seen, we CAN be content!

 Let’s choose to be less complain-y and more contented and grateful. It is the one thing that can help us get thru this pandemic!
Doesn’t that sound like a better way to live?