“Many
children are “hooked” on electronics, and in fact gaming releases so much
dopamine—the “feel-good” chemical—that on a brain scan it looks the same as
cocaine use. But when reward pathways are overused, they
become less sensitive, and more and more stimulation is needed to experience
pleasure. Meanwhile,
dopamine is also critical for focus and motivation, so needless to say, even
small changes in dopamine sensitivity can wreak havoc on how well a child feels
and functions.” (1)
More
and more research is coming out on the effect of screens on our children. The
suicide rate went up drastically in 2007, in fact it’s more than doubled in the
years 2007-2015; no coincidence that that was the year that smartphones became
widespread. (2) Screen time and light-at-night worsens suicidal thoughts (3) Light-at-night
is a way to express that the unnaturally bright light from screens suppress the
hormone melatonin, making it difficult to get to sleep and enter restorative
deep sleep. (4) Who can heal their mind without sleep? It’s no wonder that
anxiety has reached new proportions in mental health clinics!
I’ve
been reading several books on digital distraction, and it is worse than I
realized. But the effects on kids, whose brains are not developed yet, is
enormous. Did you know that a person’s brain is not finished growing until they
are in their mid-twenties? (5) So why are we giving our kids smart phones
before that? We do so because of our ignorance, and because everyone else is
doing it.
Not
everyone knows the facts that were presented in the first paragraph. The same
as cocaine use? Are you kidding me? How many fights erupt when you try to limit
your kids’ screen time? Do your kids get angry, even aggressive when you tell
them to put their phone or iPad down and go outside? Many do. Let me warn you:
they’re in danger of becoming (or already are) addicted.
I’ll
address the second reason: everyone else is doing it. Recently I read a good
quote about leadership. “A leader is someone who leads by example and has the
integrity to do the right thing even when it is not popular. A good leader has
positive influence over others, inspiring them to become a better person and
example for others to model their life against as well.” (6) Do we have to courage to lead by
example, even when it’s not popular? Can we model this for our kids? Or do we
succumb to the quagmire of peer pressure? Do we change our beliefs to fit in
with the group? Too often, I’m sad to say, the answer is yes.
A
common fear for many of us is that our children will not fit in. We allow the
collective group to decide for us what sports, activities, clothing, and
electronic devices they should have or be involved in. What are we teaching our
kids? To follow the crowd? We had 3 boys in 4 years, so the pressure was great
for them to be in sports, all at once. Thankfully, we made the rule that they
could only play sports two out of the four seasons of the year, because I just
could not see running around like a mad person, trying to get them to games,
practices, etc. Many of my friends did that. Now they are adults,
well-adjusted, and setting boundaries for their own families.
Will
your child be left out if he or she doesn’t have a smartphone with texting and
social media? It’s common to think they will. Thomas Kersting and Arlene
Pellicane, both authors and researchers, report that their children are happier
and healthier than their peers are! And NOT left out of what matters:, taking
face to face, birthday parties, and being with nature. Dr. Dunckley wrote the
book Reset Your Child’s Brain: A
Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by
Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. (a mouthful!) In it she
cites numerous examples of kids who have been restored to mental health by
fasting from screens.
Perhaps
you need to regulate your own screen use. Here are some pointers to get
started:
1.) No
electronics during dinner.
Make a rule that dinnertime is sacred. Conversations cause children’s brains to
grow! (Here are 25 questions you can use to get conversations going http://cynthiagill1972.blogspot.com/2018/08/talk-to-my-kid-what-do-i-say.html
)
2.) Be
a role model.
This means spending less time with your beloved device, especially when your
kids are present. Talk to them, make eye contact, teach them empathy, and
problem solve with them.
3.) No
screens in the bedroom.
Televisions, computers, hand-held devices need to be used in the family room.
The temptation is too strong to text or go on social media late at night. At
the very least, it will teach your children to interact, and dispel the idea
that the world revolves around them and their wants.
4.) Limit
screen time for entertainment purposes to two hours per day. Let your kids experience
boredom! Bring out the pencils and paper, books, craft materials, boxes and
duct tape, pets, outdoor activities, anything but screens to entertain
themselves. Engage with them!
5.) Your
child’s phone is your phone. Make this very clear to her/him, and have a rule that the
phone is to be handed to you at a certain time every night. Sleep with it under
your pillow if necessary. (7)
Why
don’t you read one of the books listed below and educate yourself on this
insidious menace that is invading our world. You could read even part of any
one of the books and learn about the phenomena. All of these authors have
a website, if you’re inclined to go there for articles, etc. (Most, if not all,
of these books are available as audible books too.)
So, some of you are shaking your heads and saying that this
is too radical. All I can say is imagine a world of the future where people
lack empathy, lack self-control, lack emotional intelligence, kill themselves
in higher numbers, and/or struggle with anxiety and depression all their lives.
It’s already happening. It will get worse unless we turn the tide.
We can. Let’s do our part.
Resources:
Reset Your Child’s Brain: A
Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by
Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. By Dr. Victoria Dunckley Very thorough and scholarly book with many
many success stories.
Disconnected: How to
Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids by Dr. Thomas Kersting A very readable book, it’s only 92
pages! He has some good ideas too.
Growing Up Social: Raising
Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages, this book
is very positive and very clear, with group discussion questions at the end.
Glow Kids: How Screen
Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids and How to Break the Trance by Nicholas Kardaras A scary book, with solutions.
The Digital Invasion: How
Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships by Dr. Archibald Hart and
Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd Really
interesting, it is the oldest of these books, as they were among the first to
notice the effects of screens on people.
The Power of Off: The Mindful
Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier
Good, especially if you like the mindfulness approach.
Raising Grateful Kids in an
Entitled World by
Kristen Welch This book is one of my
favorites, I love how she has ideas at the end of every chapter, for every age
group, on how to raise your kids today.
Do Hard Things: A Teenage
Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex & Brett Harris This book was written by two teen boys, and
remains one of the great challenges both to us and to our kids.
Notes:
1) Dr. Victoria Dunckley, Screentime is Making Kids Moody, Crazy, and
Lazy
3) Dunckley, Reset Your Child’s Brain
4) Shigakazu Higuchi, et al.,
Effects of Vdt Tasks with a Bright Display at Night on Melatonin, Journal of Applied Physiology 94, no. 5
5) Dr. Dan Siegel, The Whole-Brain Child
6) Dr. Thomas Kersting, Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally
Distracted Kids
7) ibid.
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