Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Addicted! The Insidious Drug of the 21st Century


Many children are “hooked” on electronics, and in fact gaming releases so much dopamine—the “feel-good” chemical—that on a brain scan it looks the same as cocaine use. But when reward pathways are overused, they become less sensitive, and more and more stimulation is needed to experience pleasure. Meanwhile, dopamine is also critical for focus and motivation, so needless to say, even small changes in dopamine sensitivity can wreak havoc on how well a child feels and functions.”  (1)

More and more research is coming out on the effect of screens on our children. The suicide rate went up drastically in 2007, in fact it’s more than doubled in the years 2007-2015; no coincidence that that was the year that smartphones became widespread. (2) Screen time and light-at-night worsens suicidal thoughts (3) Light-at-night is a way to express that the unnaturally bright light from screens suppress the hormone melatonin, making it difficult to get to sleep and enter restorative deep sleep. (4) Who can heal their mind without sleep? It’s no wonder that anxiety has reached new proportions in mental health clinics!

I’ve been reading several books on digital distraction, and it is worse than I realized. But the effects on kids, whose brains are not developed yet, is enormous. Did you know that a person’s brain is not finished growing until they are in their mid-twenties? (5) So why are we giving our kids smart phones before that? We do so because of our ignorance, and because everyone else is doing it.

Not everyone knows the facts that were presented in the first paragraph. The same as cocaine use? Are you kidding me? How many fights erupt when you try to limit your kids’ screen time? Do your kids get angry, even aggressive when you tell them to put their phone or iPad down and go outside? Many do. Let me warn you: they’re in danger of becoming (or already are) addicted.

I’ll address the second reason: everyone else is doing it. Recently I read a good quote about leadership. “A leader is someone who leads by example and has the integrity to do the right thing even when it is not popular. A good leader has positive influence over others, inspiring them to become a better person and example for others to model their life against as well.” (6) Do we have to courage to lead by example, even when it’s not popular? Can we model this for our kids? Or do we succumb to the quagmire of peer pressure? Do we change our beliefs to fit in with the group? Too often, I’m sad to say, the answer is yes.

A common fear for many of us is that our children will not fit in. We allow the collective group to decide for us what sports, activities, clothing, and electronic devices they should have or be involved in. What are we teaching our kids? To follow the crowd? We had 3 boys in 4 years, so the pressure was great for them to be in sports, all at once. Thankfully, we made the rule that they could only play sports two out of the four seasons of the year, because I just could not see running around like a mad person, trying to get them to games, practices, etc. Many of my friends did that. Now they are adults, well-adjusted, and setting boundaries for their own families.

Will your child be left out if he or she doesn’t have a smartphone with texting and social media? It’s common to think they will. Thomas Kersting and Arlene Pellicane, both authors and researchers, report that their children are happier and healthier than their peers are! And NOT left out of what matters:, taking face to face, birthday parties, and being with nature. Dr. Dunckley wrote the book Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. (a mouthful!) In it she cites numerous examples of kids who have been restored to mental health by fasting from screens.

Perhaps you need to regulate your own screen use. Here are some pointers to get started:
1.)   No electronics during dinner. Make a rule that dinnertime is sacred. Conversations cause children’s brains to grow! (Here are 25 questions you can use to get conversations going http://cynthiagill1972.blogspot.com/2018/08/talk-to-my-kid-what-do-i-say.html )
2.)   Be a role model. This means spending less time with your beloved device, especially when your kids are present. Talk to them, make eye contact, teach them empathy, and problem solve with them.
3.)   No screens in the bedroom. Televisions, computers, hand-held devices need to be used in the family room. The temptation is too strong to text or go on social media late at night. At the very least, it will teach your children to interact, and dispel the idea that the world revolves around them and their wants.
4.)   Limit screen time for entertainment purposes to two hours per day. Let your kids experience boredom! Bring out the pencils and paper, books, craft materials, boxes and duct tape, pets, outdoor activities, anything but screens to entertain themselves. Engage with them!
5.)   Your child’s phone is your phone. Make this very clear to her/him, and have a rule that the phone is to be handed to you at a certain time every night. Sleep with it under your pillow if necessary.   (7)

Why don’t you read one of the books listed below and educate yourself on this insidious menace that is invading our world. You could read even part of any one of the books and learn about the phenomena. All of these authors have a website, if you’re inclined to go there for articles, etc. (Most, if not all, of these books are available as audible books too.)  

So, some of you are shaking your heads and saying that this is too radical. All I can say is imagine a world of the future where people lack empathy, lack self-control, lack emotional intelligence, kill themselves in higher numbers, and/or struggle with anxiety and depression all their lives. It’s already happening. It will get worse unless we turn the tide.

We can. Let’s do our part.

Resources:
Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time. By Dr. Victoria Dunckley  Very thorough and scholarly book with many many success stories.

Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids by Dr. Thomas Kersting A very readable book, it’s only 92 pages! He has some good ideas too.

Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane  Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages, this book is very positive and very clear, with group discussion questions at the end.

Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids and How to Break the Trance by Nicholas Kardaras  A scary book, with solutions.

The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships by Dr. Archibald Hart and Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd  Really interesting, it is the oldest of these books, as they were among the first to notice the effects of screens on people.

The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World by Nancy Colier  Good, especially if you like the mindfulness approach.

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch  This book is one of my favorites, I love how she has ideas at the end of every chapter, for every age group, on how to raise your kids today.

Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex & Brett Harris  This book was written by two teen boys, and remains one of the great challenges both to us and to our kids.

Notes:
1)    Dr. Victoria Dunckley, Screentime is Making Kids Moody, Crazy, and Lazy
3)    Dunckley, Reset Your Child’s Brain
4)    Shigakazu Higuchi, et al., Effects of Vdt Tasks with a Bright Display at Night on Melatonin, Journal of Applied Physiology 94, no. 5
5)    Dr. Dan Siegel, The Whole-Brain Child
6)    Dr. Thomas Kersting, Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids
7)    ibid.