The Gift of Self Denial: Do We Give It to Ourselves?

 

I recently read an article called “The Gift of Self-Denial” in a magazine, and got to thinking that it’s sadly lacking in most of our thinking. Especially this time of year! How many of us spend any time at all reflecting on the command of Jesus: “Deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow me?” (Luke 9:23)

So much of our focus is on ourselves, and what to give others for Christmas. What to give Dad, who has everything? What does little Joey want? Will Sally be pleased with my present? That’s not wrong (I do it myself), but what about the gift of self-control?

I’m going to take some paragraphs from the well written article in Focus on the Family Magazine*.  Get ready…

“It’s not a bad thing to let our kids go without something they want. …I tell my boys that practicing self-restraint is like exercising a muscle. The more we assay no to some desire, the easier it is to say no to something that is appealing but harmful when it really matters. Occasionally, one of them would get over attached to a toy or video game.  It seemed he had to have that object or game to be OK.

But I knew he would be OK without it, and I set about to prove it to him. “I think it’s time to fast form this game for a while,” I’d say.

Gasping, my son would say “No! I love it! Please, mom!”

“Honey, you are stronger than you think,” I’d say. “You think you can’t live without this game. I know you can. Nothing on earth should have this kind of power over you.

                       

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 Self-reflection time. When's the last time that you told yourself "NO?" Are YOU dependent on things for happiness?

 Now, when you look at the trends today: increased suicide rates among young people, sky-rocketing depression and anxiety rates, fewer kids than ever graduating from college, fewer people starting their own businesses, a drastic drop on achievement for Americans in the academic arena…Why? Could it be lack of self-control? Research, sadly, says yes. ** It’s very sobering.

So we need to go against the trend. To teach self-restraint is our job. To practice it ourselves.

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Back to the story:

“It was difficult watching each son go through times of withdrawal. But they eventually found something else to do. It’s an amazing phenomenon: Once you get past the pain of self-denial, there’s actually relief on the other side.

My boys discovered that they didn’t need a toy to be OK. And when they finally did get their toy back, something beautiful happen: They were grateful. Once my boys realized they could live without something, they rarely returned to their unhealthy affection for it.”

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We all can learn something from this, whether or not we’re a parent. Practice self-restraint! It’s idolatry to be dependent on things, and John says at the end of one of his letters: “Little children, keep yourselves  from idols.” (I John 5:21)

So this Christmas, let’s give ourselves the gift of self-denial. Now, lest you think I’m a Scrooge or a Grinch, let me hasten to add that my family celebrates Christmas with gusto.

But, tempered with the underlying need for self-control.

To quietly deny oneself is truly good for the soul.

*Focus on the Family Magazine, Dec.2017-Jan 2018 by Susie Larson
** The Collapse of Parenting by Dr. Leonard Sax