Is it possible that bitter chemicals come out of our mouths
when we say negative words? I heard a story recently of plants that died when
negative words were spoken to them. There were two sets if plants: both with
equal amounts of light, water, nutrition, and soil. But the difference was that
one had a person speaking negatively: shouting insults, negative words daily at
it. The other one had a person speaking kindly to it. Amazingly enough, the one
with the positive words thrived, while the other one shriveled up and died!
Now, as a psychologist I know that bitter, mean words change
the brain chemicals. And so can positive ones. (Whether they have an effect on
plants or not, I’d have to try the experiment myself.)
But what if they do? Or, what if they ONLY affect brain
chemicals? So, your brain will be healthier if you speak positively to yourself
and others? DUH!
Read the following with this in mind…
Who has the power to “set the thermostat” of the environment
in our homes and places of work? WE do! Do we want the atmosphere to be bitter
and negative, or healthy, hope-filled? Parents, our children marinate in the
atmosphere of our homes. They are looking to us to see how we cope with the
challenges of life! Following are some tips on maintaining a positive and
confidence-building atmosphere:
1) Listen to yourself. How many times do you hear
yourself doing one of the big 3 C’s:
complaining, criticizing, or being cynical? Count how many times you say the word “frustrated”, “annoyed,” or other such words. What comes out of our mouth is
indicative of what is in out hearts, so some time for reflection is in order if
we are speaking too much negativity. Ration
for yourself how many times you will allow yourself to express negativity per
day. Cynicism imparts the attitude
that we are powerless, research suggests that we CAN actively work to change
that. Learned helplessness does not benefit anyone.
2) Develop a supply of positive phrases that you can
say to help you cope with life’s
challenges.
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
“Well, the good things about ____
far out weigh the bad.”
“It could be worse. We could live
in ____ were there is no food, medical care, infrastructure, etc.”
“If this is the worst thing
that happens all day (or all week) that is not TOO bad!”
3) Combat anxiety by speaking truth to yourself.
“What’s the worst case scenario?” “What would I do in that case?”
“Is anyone going to die?” (if we
run out milk today, etc.)
“What is the likelihood of that
happening?”
4) List all the positive things that happened today (or this
morning, or about this event, in this situation, etc.). Work hard at
counting/listing your blessings and giving thanks. This skill is very simple
and many have heard it for years. Interestingly enough, it is gaining prestige
as one of the “newest” discoveries in the field of psychology!
Thankfulness is a very
valuable weapon in our quest to defeat anxiety, depression, and “entitlementitis.”
But it needs to be intentional, and it is taught best by example. Rather than
preaching at someone “you should be more thankful,” list things YOU are
grateful for, and then ask them to follow your example.
5) Quiet yourself. Take a few minutes to meditate on
something of beauty and wonder, it will change your perspective. A quiet heart can receive from God. In
our noisy culture we forget the power of stillness. Some call it the “gentle
whisper” or “still small voice.” Peace and a hopeful attitude simply will not
happen if we are constantly allowing ourselves to be bombarded with external
stimuli, including screens! Addiction to screens creates a climate for anxiety
to skyrocket.
Whether we are raising children, or working in another
setting, perhaps with no children around, we will have a higher quality of life
if we learn to be more positive. Far
from being a “Pollyanna,” we will have a quiet
confidence that draws others to us, and commands their respect.
Does the world need such qualities?
