Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Porn in the 21st Century


I cried when I researched this blog. Sobbed. Grieved over the next generation... Viewing pornography has a deep and lasting impact on children. It affects them relationally, emotionally, intellectually, neurologically, and spiritually. And with the advent of modern technology, porn use has changed.
It is now Accessible. All ages can encounter and consume sexually explicit content.
It is Affordable. In the past, people paid money for magazines, videos, and books; but now there is a tremendous amount available for free.
It is Acceptable. Not so many years ago, it was considered immoral to view porn. Now, however, nine out of 10 young men say that it’s acceptable; and teens and young adults rate not recycling as more immoral than viewing porn. (The Porn Phenomenon: The impact of pornography in the digital age, 2016, A Barna Report, p. 85)
It is Anonymous. Today anyone can watch pornography without any human contact, whereas before they had to buy a magazine from a clerk or a worker at a video store.
It is Aggressive. In a study of behaviors on popular porn, 88% of the sex acts involved physically aggressive acts towards the women, who nearly always responded neutrally or with pleasure. (This was shocking to me, and I put down the magazine I was reading, sobbed and prayed.) More insidiously, women would sometimes beg their partners to stop, then acquiesce and begin to enjoy the activity, no matter how painful or debasing it was. (Orenstein,P., 2016, “How porn is changing a generation of girls” TIME, April 11, p. 47)
It is Active. It’s easier than ever to become an active producer and distributor of porn, rather than simply a passive consumer. Simply over-share on the Internet, send sexting messages, and the like.*

So, what’s a parent to do? Dr. Meg Meeker says “When parents talk openly about what their kids may see and let them know they are here to help -not criticize- most children will listen. It is important for parents to tell their kids that pornography will come across their screens without them even searching for it. They should tell their kids that the feelings of shame, disgust, and embarrassment they will experience when seeing pornography are not only normal but also good. These feelings are there to show kids that pornography harms them. The most important factor is for parents to address the issue openly and calmly. They should communicate that their job is to help their children navigate a world of electronics that is tough and potentially harmful.” (Meeker, M. When Puberty and Pornography Collide, Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 22, No.1, p. 33) (bold is mine)

Sean McDowell agrees that the most important thing is to build close, intimate, and emotional relationships with your children. “Faith and values are passed on to kids when there are healthy parent-child relationships.” (Porn and Parenting in the 21st Century, Christian Counseling Today, Vol.22, No.1, p. 10)  He also says two other things. “Talk with you kids early about sex and pornography.” Not merely the “sex talk,” but whenever there is an opportunity, bring it up. The other day my granddaughter was marveling about how the couple next door was planning a wedding. An excellent opportunity to bring up the fact that living together before marriage is not God’s way.

Teach kids about the goodness of sex. Not just to wait until marriage for that dirty thing that if you have it too early you might get AIDS and die. But God’s view of it: for procreation, pleasure, unity, and to bring glory to Him. Role-play with your kids: before they find themselves in situations where they are exposed to porn on another’s device. Role-play turning away and asking first what they are looking at are vital in establishing proactive habits among our kids.

Finally, have appropriate technological boundaries: 1) No use of digital devices in the bedroom! Only in the front room where others are. 2) Install Covenant Eyes for filtering out devices and get weekly reports about what they are watching. Note, this is a fence, not a babysitter, and it only works with accountability and relationship, otherwise the kids just figure out ways to outsmart it. But used in conjunction with parental guidance, it is effective. 3) There is no guarantee that a child will get a digital device at a certain age. They need to first prove that they are responsible. And then, give them a contract. See http://abcnews.go.com/US/massachusetts-mom-son-sign-18-point-agreement-iphone/story?id=18094401

We can, with intentionality and effort, beat the porn onslaught. We need to be strong, courageous, and proactive, not passive bystanders in the battle. The future of our beloved children depends on it!



*(Material taken from Porn and Parenting in the 21st Century by Sean McDowell, CCT, Vol. 22, No. 1, pp. 10-14)

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