If Christmas is supposed to be so merry, then why am I
depressed?
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” we hear in the words
of a famous Christmas song. If that is the case, then why do so many people
struggle depression during this time? The truth is, rather than being the
merriest time of the year, Christmas is for many one of the saddest times. Why?
There are many reasons for this, and some practical things we can do to avert
that sinking feeling that threatens to rob us of joy.
One of the biggest culprits is unrealistic expectations: “I
should be happy,” we try to convince ourselves, as we race from event to event.
Underneath we feel guilty for spending too much money, eating too much, or
being crabby with our family members. Though over- extended, we say yes with a
saccharine smile, while inside counting the days until this hectic season is
over. We get into a vicious cycle: too
busy, too angry, too depressed, so we do more to cover it up, try harder, get
angrier, more depressed…
There are several ways to break this cycle. Consider
listening to your “self talk.” The
phrase “I should” is tyrannical. Try replacing some of the “I shoulds” with “I
would like to” and ”I wonder how I could…” Instead of “I should give Aunt
Matilda a gift,” say “I would like to give her a gift.” This not only indicates
your choice of giving her the gift, but also allows you to choose the option
not to if that’s really how you feel. Go ahead and be honest with yourself. What
is the worst that could happen? This little exercise will help us identify what
we really do want to do, and feel better about what we actually choose.
Wisdom tells us to prioritize, simplify, and cut out
unnecessary activities. Do we really need to bake 12 kinds of cookies just
because mom did?
Maybe you are a family that is grieving or adjusting to new
living conditions. If so, give yourself some space! If loss has occurred
through death or divorce, don’t expect yourself to have happy feelings. That is
being out of touch with reality. God does not expect such things. Many
well-meaning friends and relatives may understand neither the depth of your
grief, nor the most helpful way to help you deal with it. Take care of
yourself, seek out counsel, learn to forgive, and find support as you move
through this season. It’s okay to be melancholy. Our entire culture is based on seeking
emotional highs and does not encourage a proper treatment of grief or
depression.
Some families find it
helpful to cancel extraneous activities such as multiple parties and instead do
something for others. Any way of reaching out to someone less fortunate than
ourselves is very therapeutic. Reading stories about people who overcome
adversity does wonders for seeing the truth about our own situation, Whatever
we struggle with, it’s not as bad as those who live in war-torn, desperately
poor countries, or who have suffered unspeakable tragedies, like the loss of all one’s family members, genocide,
debilitating brain injuries, and the like.
The real “Reason for the Season” is NOT happy feelings! We can reject the stress that comes from
doing too much, and more importantly reject the unrealistic expectations that
drive it. We need to take care of ourselves,
learn to say “no,” spend our valuable time on fewer activities, cultivate
traditions that focus on relationship. The Savior’s birth is the epitome of
simplicity. As we take steps to reject unrealistic cultural and familial
expectations, we surely will experience more of the peace that He came to give
us.
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