Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Beating the Holiday Blues

                                            
If Christmas is supposed to be so merry, then why am I depressed?

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” we hear in the words of a famous Christmas song. If that is the case, then why do so many people struggle depression during this time? The truth is, rather than being the merriest time of the year, Christmas is for many one of the saddest times. Why? There are many reasons for this, and some practical things we can do to avert that sinking feeling that threatens to rob us of joy.

One of the biggest culprits is unrealistic expectations: “I should be happy,” we try to convince ourselves, as we race from event to event. Underneath we feel guilty for spending too much money, eating too much, or being crabby with our family members. Though over- extended, we say yes with a saccharine smile, while inside counting the days until this hectic season is over.  We get into a vicious cycle: too busy, too angry, too depressed, so we do more to cover it up, try harder, get angrier, more depressed…

There are several ways to break this cycle. Consider listening to your “self talk.”  The phrase “I should” is tyrannical. Try replacing some of the “I shoulds” with “I would like to” and ”I wonder how I could…” Instead of “I should give Aunt Matilda a gift,” say “I would like to give her a gift.” This not only indicates your choice of giving her the gift, but also allows you to choose the option not to if that’s really how you feel. Go ahead and be honest with yourself. What is the worst that could happen? This little exercise will help us identify what we really do want to do, and feel better about what we actually choose.

Wisdom tells us to prioritize, simplify, and cut out unnecessary activities. Do we really need to bake 12 kinds of cookies just because mom did?

Maybe you are a family that is grieving or adjusting to new living conditions. If so, give yourself some space! If loss has occurred through death or divorce, don’t expect yourself to have happy feelings. That is being out of touch with reality. God does not expect such things. Many well-meaning friends and relatives may understand neither the depth of your grief, nor the most helpful way to help you deal with it. Take care of yourself, seek out counsel, learn to forgive, and find support as you move through this season. It’s okay to be melancholy.  Our entire culture is based on seeking emotional highs and does not encourage a proper treatment of grief or depression.

 Some families find it helpful to cancel extraneous activities such as multiple parties and instead do something for others. Any way of reaching out to someone less fortunate than ourselves is very therapeutic. Reading stories about people who overcome adversity does wonders for seeing the truth about our own situation, Whatever we struggle with, it’s not as bad as those who live in war-torn, desperately poor countries, or who have suffered unspeakable tragedies, like the loss of all one’s family members, genocide, debilitating brain injuries, and the like.

The real “Reason for the Season” is NOT happy feelings!  We can reject the stress that comes from doing too much, and more importantly reject the unrealistic expectations that drive it.  We need to take care of ourselves, learn to say “no,” spend our valuable time on fewer activities, cultivate traditions that focus on relationship. The Savior’s birth is the epitome of simplicity. As we take steps to reject unrealistic cultural and familial expectations, we surely will experience more of the peace that He came to give us.

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