Today I want to talk about victory; the victory of living
for God today. How do we live for Jesus in a world gone mad with materialism,
anxiety, depression, and self-centeredness?
I’ll give you a few tips. That’s my job. I used to teach at
Bethany for 16 years. But I was always disturbed by the kids who were anxious
and depressed, so I went back to school, and became a therapist. A doctor of
the soul. A “feelings doctor” as I tell my younger clients. So, how to overcome
depression and anxiety is right up my alley. But it only works if you let it.
Not like a regular doctor you go to, who gives you some medicine, and you
magically get better. In my profession, clients have to work, do homework, exercises
to get better. That’s why I call them “clients” not “patients.” But it’s so
worth it! You need to change your thinking to get healthier.
So, here’s the first exercise that will change your thinking:
Turn to the
person next to you and tell them two things you HAVE to do today. (example: I have to do
my homework)
Now change
it, and say “I choose to” with those same two things. Are they a true statements?
(I choose
to do my homework cuz I don’t want the consequences of not doing it. No one is
putting a gun to my head and saying “Do it!)
Now I’ll
push you a bit further, Say “I get to” before those two things (I get to do my
homework. I’m privileged to be in school, I don’t live in a war torn country,
I’m not homeless….).
Isn’t there more energy on the atmosphere when you say the
last thing?
The first one is a victim mentality, the second one is
empowerment, and the third one is gratitude. Hmmm, which one makes you feel
better?
Victim mentality is at the core of depression. If you can get
over this, you can go a long way toward overcoming that down feeling.
I’ll let you in on a secret. Much of mental health boils
down to three things. Do you want to
know what they are? I won’t keep you in suspense: Gratitude, Self-control, and
Forgiveness. Think about it- if you’re grateful, you don’t have time to
be depressed or anxious.
The opposite of gratefulness is entitlement. Unrealistic
expectations. If you struggle with that, just knowing that you might have
unrealistic expectations is part of the solution. My granddaughter wanted a
$120 Lego set for Christmas. It was on her Christmas list, but her parents told
her that she wasn’t going to get it. She didn’t have to be disappointed on
Christmas morning. She gave up that expectation, and saved herself from feeling
bad. We can do the same with things we think we deserve.
Maturity is being able to handle disappointment without whining.
There’s a quiz I want to give you. What do you think is the
best predictor of happiness and life satisfaction when a person is 11, say 25
years into the future when he/she is 36?
a. IQ
b. Grade
point average
c. Self-control
d. Openness
to new ideas
e. Friendliness
And the answer is…Self-control. Research bears it out.
That’s pretty serious, considering where we are today in the area of developing
self-control.
Self-control: can it be learned from the Internet? Peers?
Movies? TV? Video games? No! It must be learned from (ask the students). Yes, parents! And peers that fear the Lord.
I’d be out of work if people would do a few things. 1) Forgive others who hurt them, don’t stay
bitter against them. 2) Be grateful for everything we have. Make
gratitude lists everyday. Think about
what I have rather than what I don’t have. 3) Exercise self control in everything; and 4) Exercise. I put that in because the mental health benefits of
exercise are unbelievable.
Forgiveness is something that people don’t understand very
well. They think it has to do with trusting the person again. NO! Trust equals
behavior over time, it must be earned back. People also think forgiveness has
to do with reconciliation. Not necessarily. You can forgive an unsafe person
and not reconcile with him. Forgiveness is something you do in your heart. It
means giving up your right to hurt the person back that hurt you.
So what’s the secret to enduring? We all go through hard
things, not getting what we want. Repeat: not getting what we want is a big
cause of depression. I found a quote that has helped me quite a bit in this
area. I battle depression too. (Someone, one of my students at Bethany
actually, asked me if counselors ever get depressed. I answered, “Do doctors
ever get sick?”) Anyway, the quote is by John MacArthur: “The ability to endure is tied to the ability to look at the spiritual,
not the physical, the permanent, not the temporary, the future, not the
present.”
The verse that goes
with this is II Cor. 4:16-18 “Therefore
we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are
being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but is
unseen. For what is seen is temporal but what is unseen is eternal.” I’m going
to read the quote again…
“The ability to endure
is tied to the ability to look at the spiritual, not the physical, the
permanent, not the temporary, the future, not the present.”
Gratefulness is a great defense against anxiety.
Anxiety has replaced
depression as the Number 1 mental health problem in the country.
Here are some
techniques to help overcome anxiety:
a.
Change the “What if’s” to “What next?” This switches our thinking
from the imaginary to the real: from awfulizing to
seeking solutions, from the huge, nebulous, fear-filled unknown to
the next concrete step we can take. It empowers us and most importantly
changes our focus.
b. Our
focus determines our experience! What am I focusing on? The negative? If
ten people
compliment my new
haircut, and only one says she doesn’t like it, do we focus on the
ONE negative?!
c. Choose
to believe that “I am not a victim, I can control my attitude about this.
Although I
cannot control other
people or the circumstances, I can control my own attitude.”
d.
When we make mistakes, we need to admit it, and then stop beating
ourselves. “I made a
mistake, that doesn't
mean I have no value, nor does it negate all the good in my life.”
One person said, “There are no such things as mistakes,
only lessons.” What can I learn from this one?
e. Make it a goal to
say at least one positive thing to as many family members & friends
as possible, and to yourself
each day.
f. Some people find it useful to limit their worrying to
15-20 minutes a day. Set the timer for say
8:00, then again for 8:15.
During this 15 minutes, WORRY, do all the “What if’s,” and think of solutions
to the worst case scenarios. Then when the timer rings, put all the worries
back into a Worry Box, and don’t worry about them again until tomorrow, at the Worry
Time. You can even make a physical Worry Box that they put your
worries in, until Worry Time. This really works! I use it all the time with my
clients.
g.
People of faith recognize that ultimately humans are not in control. This
is very helpful to
remind ourselves if
our belief system includes the idea that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called
according to His purpose. It allows us to relinquish control.
We can get the upper hand on anxiety! Exchange it for the
peace that passes understanding.
So, in conclusion, you can win the victory! You can live for
Jesus today. In the 21st century. Winning the fight over anxiety,
depression, materialism, and self-centeredness. You can display gratitude,
forgiveness, and self-control.
“Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, power, glory, victory,
majesty. Everything in the heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your
kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.” I Chron. 29:11
God bless you! May the One who is great, powerful and will
someday rule this earth in majesty, show Himself to you and through you as
gentle and kind, friendly, and awesome.
