Keeping Your Kids Safe from the New Strangers

This week I’m borrowing a blog from a person who has an idea worth exporting. “Tricky People” are the new strangers. They are the people who aren’t safe; you can tell that because THEY ASK KIDS FOR HELP!!
Read this blog, and watch teach your kids to be smarter…
Quick backstory. Actually, I’m incapable of condensing anything so it can be considered “quick” but I’ll try. Three days ago I was in the shower around 8:30am when it felt like I was shot in my left ovary. You didn’t see that one coming, did you?  In short, it was an unbearable pain that had me doubled over, light-headed, and incredibly nauseous. Well, with the help of some unseen angels, truly, I somehow got enough clothes on my body to be decent, and drove my four kids and myself five minutes to the ER. (My husband was out of town which has proven to be a common theme in our house when family emergencies arise.)
In a moment of what I deem foggy-thinking “pain brain” I left my two oldest boys–CJ (10) and T-Dawg (8) outside the ER door on a bench to await our kind neighbor who said he was coming to pick them up and take them to school (thanks to my parents who arranged all this while I was driving to the ER). My younger two and I went inside to see if we couldn’t figure out what the heck was causing the pain. Spoiler alert: Ruptured ovarian cyst. Really fun stuff.

It wasn’t until my boys came home from school at 3:30pm, that I found out they had been waaaay late to school. I had wrongly assumed my neighbor was coming from his house (not somewhere farther away), so my two boys sat out front of the ER for 40 minutes. Not the 5 minutes I had expected. Their story of what had transpired while I had stupidly left them out there alone made me simultaneously sick and grateful.
In that 40 minutes of obedient sitting and waiting, my two boys experienced their first real-world experience with the freaky, perverted strangers they’ve been intermittently warned about. While on that bench, they were approached by an adult female and two punk males who asked them if they’d “help them out by going into the bathroom where her boyfriend was hiding from the doctor and see if they could convince him to come out and get treated.” Yes, I’m serious that’s what they said. Even after CJ replied, “No, thank you” they kept at them.

“Please? You could really save his life if you’d just go in that bathroom and tell him it’s safe to come out.”
CJ said he returned all three of their pleas for help with a “no, thank you” (each stronger than the last) before they finally let up. Shortly afterward, the neighbor showed up and my boys jumped in his car, but, not before they saw a third adult male come out from the bathroom, jump into the car with these other three hooligans and drive off.

My mouth hung open the entire time they relayed this account.

My anger and shock turned to immense gratitude, however, when I heard CJ spout off a family “stay safe” rule we went over way too long ago that helped him know these creeps were up to no good. Most specifically, a tip for identifying a “tricky person.”
CJ: “Mom, I knew they were tricky people because they were asking us for help. Adults don’t ask kids for help.”
Have you heard of the tricky people concept?  Tricky people are the new strangers. Pattie Fitzgerald, the creator of Safely Ever After where the tricky people concept originated says, “Stop telling your kids not to talk to strangers. They might need to talk to a stranger one day. Instead, teach them which sorts of strangers are safe.”
One of her guidelines for knowing what people are unsafe is the rule CJ remembered in time of need–tricky people ask kids for help. If a safe adult needs help, they’ll ask another adult. Not a kid. Pattie includes many other tips and rules for staying safe under her “prevention tips” tab on her Safely Ever After website. This website also does a great job of re-capping her life-saving information.
Click on and read all that information if you haven’t already. Please. Hold family meetings where you talk about and role play these concepts periodically. This experience has made me grateful that we had gone over this in the past, but even more so, it’s made me determined to continue going over these stay safe rules. Regularly.
 
When it’s all said and done, the phrase “knowledge is power” undoubtedly applies to our kids keeping themselves safe. We know we won’t always be physically present to protect our kids from everything–I’m sure you lose sleep over this like I do. But, we can empower them and give them confidence by teaching them what they can do in these kind of situations.

I know our next family meeting will involve CJ teaching his siblings about identifying tricky people, and us interjecting information to fill the holes in our teaching we noticed from this experience. Like for instance, there is no need to be polite to an adult that is making you uncomfortable. Thank you Texas for teaching my boys your dreamy Southern hospitality but in the event adults are making my kids uncomfortable or are asking them to break their stay safe rules, a “no thank you” is not required.
Sigh.
 I shared this whole experience with you so you could learn from it. Like we have. If you haven’t already, take the necessary time to establish your own family stay safe rules–the links I’ve included in this post are a great place to start. If you’ve already got your family stay safe rules in place, re-visit them. And don’t forget the tricky person concept because let’s face it, our kids are growing in a world that’s replete with them.
Update: I have since contacted Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After mentioned above, in regards to whether or not her two children’s books on Amazon teach the tricky people concept. Her reply is below for those of you interested in using a book to help you teach this and other stay safe concepts to your children:
“My book No Trespassing – This Is MY Body! is all about private parts/personal safety and thumbs up touches vs. thumbs down touches.  It’s very child friendly and not weird or yucky.  Just good common sense in kid-friendly language.

It doesn’t touch upon the tricky people concept very much, but my second book does.  It’s called Super Duper Safety School. It takes the safety rules and explains each one in child-friendly terms that make sense and are empowering.  It covers tricky people, being the boss of your body, the uh-oh feeling, check first, and much more.  Both are available on Amazon.”
Tags:
confidence, stay safe

"I could read this every week!"

I spend a lot of time alone. The other day, seeing people walking and talking together, I was wishing I could have more friends. Then, one weekend, I was with friends practically non-stop. And I cried out “Help, I need some alone time!”

Contentment.  How elusive it is! Yet are there some secrets we can learn that will bring us to experience more of it? I told my granddaughter I knew the secret of happiness. I had her attention. It is: wanting what we have, not wanting what we can’t have.

How simple. Yet, how hard. The hardest commandment to keep is the last one: you shall not covet. Jealousy is part of our fallen nature. It was jealousy that led Lucifer astray. It was jealousy of God himself that led Adam and Eve to eat the fruit – jealousy is a lack of faith that God has our best in mind!

Jealousy takes many forms. Comparing ourselves to someone else, and wishing for their gifts. Particularly lethal is wishing our spouse would be like him/her. Wanting more money, a certain car, house, or type of clothing. Aspiring to a ministry is ok, but where is the line between honestly hoping to do something great, and bitter jealousy or selfish ambition? We all can relate to some of these, perhaps all of them.

I’ve found that I need to be honest with myself when I’m jealous of someone else. Only then can I deal with it. Whether it’s a small thing like “I wish I had more friends,” or a big thing like “Why did Psychology Today call about our book, but never followed up on it?” (this happened with our book), I need to talk to myself directly. I can talk myself down from feeling discontented if I want to, if I am honest about it, really admitting that I am jealous of someone else. If I want to. Perhaps I need some time to feel sorry for myself. But, the negative comments, the complaining that comes from a discontented soul…is that worth it?

There are three things that contribute to contentment.

1) Gratitude is part of the answer. We have so much to be thankful for! Think about if you lived in a war-torn country, or a developing nation. Then our “first world problems” wouldn’t seem so big! Or imagine if you were disabled somehow. The smallest thing would be a victory.

I often do this exercise with my clients. Imagine you are blind for a minute. Then list two things you are grateful you can see. The same for hearing: two things that give you pleasure to listen to. Imagine two things that you love to touch, two things you love to smell, and you love to taste. What a joy it is, listing 10 things they are grateful for! The smallest things we take for granted can be recognized as pleasures.

Our Intensive Outpatient Program uses gratitude to bring healing to its participants. Each person has to come up with three things they are thankful for every day - and they can’t be the same. One lady said that changes her attitude first thing in the morning, planning what she is going to say. Amazing.

2) The second part is intentionality. The other day I was having one of those pity-parties. I let myself cry and feel sorry for myself for a while. But then I thought, “I spend the whole week, trying to get others to think positive thoughts, yet here I am, in the depths…” Just then I happened to look in the rearview mirror (I was driving). There was a man in the car behind me who reminded me of a dear friend, a pastor who was so kind and caring. I decided to think about him for a while, remembering words he had spoken, things he had done. Before I knew it, I was out of the dumps, thinking more rational and positive thoughts.

But it was intentionality that did it. If I hadn’t wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to get out of the doldrums like that. The mind naturally goes to negative thoughts unless effort and intentionality are used.

3) The third tool that helps us achieve contentment is perspective. How long do we have to put up with pain, sorrow, heartache? I’d like to quote John MacArthur in this one “A person’s ability to bear up under sorrow is directly related to his ability to focus on the eternal, rather than the temporal.” (Bible Commentary) The Bible says “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory far beyond comparison. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen…” (II Cor 4:17, 18a)

One client who was real depressed told me how to encourage her: “Just tell me that this too shall pass.” It sounds simple, but it requires us to dial in to a different paradigm. That all of this life is just temporary, a preparation for the next one.
 

In conclusion, if we focus on what we do have rather than what we don’t/can’t have; if we want to, we can choose to be content. Sometimes we need to play tricks on our minds to get them there, but we can. If we focus on the unseen rather than the seen, we CAN be content!

Let’s choose to be less complain-y and more contented and grateful.
Doesn’t that sound like a better way to live?

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