There are 3 types of peace. Internal peace is the opposite
of anxiety. External peace that we can’t control such as wars, economic
breakdowns, car accidents. External things that we have some control over, such
as fights with our spouse, many but not all, relational things.
The first one is the hardest. Anxiety plagues us and infects
our thoughts like a disease. We have fallen into many bad habits of thinking,
even from our youth. “I don’t have any control over my worrying,” we think. It
is automatic, our default mode. I’d like to suggest that we CAN control our
negative thinking. Dr. Caroline Leaf has a program she calls “de-toxifying” in
which we literally change our thoughts to positive. Check it out, she explains
it better than I can. (drleaf.com)
I spend much of my time as a counselor trying to get people
to capture their negative thoughts and replace them with positive. IT CAN BE
DONE! But it takes effort, intentionality, and perseverance.
The second type of peace comes with self talk too. When an accident
happens, what do we tell ourselves? My colleague had a car crash into his wall
the other day. No kidding, someone literally drove into his wall! It took him
some time, about an hour and a half he said, to calm down. But he has told
himself that the chances of it happening again are pretty slim. He’s chosen to
tell himself that. Get that, he CHOSE to tell himself that! It’s the same with
anything else.
What’s the likelihood of the bad
thing (that I fear) happening?
What will I do? Am I too feeble to
cope with it?
If the bad
thing happens, will there still be anything good in my life?
What can I
control and what can I not control?
The third type of peace we spend much time coaching people
on. The main thing here is that you
react rather than respond. Reacting is almost always negative! Respond, don’t
react to your spouse, your child, your teen. Reacting is always from our past,
do you want all the hurts and negativity of your past to haunt your present? Yes, you CAN change how you react!! It takes
effort, intentionality, and reflection (maybe counseling will help too). Go
ahead, try it! BE the person you want to be, and don’t give up. And when you fail
and blow it that’s OK, just be sure and apologize.
The Scripture does say that we should “as much as it depends
on us be at peace with all people.” (Rom. 12:18) There are some people, like
narcissists, that people have a hard time relating to. We cannot really have a close relationship
with them, due to their extreme self-absorption. We need to maintain good
boundaries with such people; and not feel guilty about it. But suffice it to
say we tried. (that’s another topic for another blog).
Jesus is the answer to all three types of peace; truly He
gives us peace. “In Me you will have peace…”(Jn 16:33; 14:27). He waits for us
to come to Him and get peace through His grace. May our journey be with Him, not on our own strength.
