The Best Medicine

  One of the most powerful antidotes to stress is laughter. “It brings perspective into your life, helps surmount problems, adds sizzle to your relationships, and makes you feel good!” (see  Dr. Caroline Leaf, Who switched off my brain? Drleaf.com) 

We call an evening out “fun,” but we can hardly realize how good it is for us. The other night we had a game night at my son’s house. We laughed and laughed. Did anyone tell us that that caused the cortisol to decrease by 39%, the adrenaline to drop by 70%, and the serotonin to increase by 29%? Did we realize that it causes the two hemispheres of the brain to work together, making it as useful as aerobic exercise in boosting mind-body health?

No! But we certainly enjoyed it!

Fun protects our heart because when we laugh and enjoy ourselves, the body releases chemicals that improve the function of blood vessels. This increases blood flow, protecting against heart attack. Fun reduces damaging stress chemicals quickly, which if they hang around in your body for too long will make you mentally and physically sick.

 Wow, who can afford not to laugh?

My son is a comedian, because he wants to make the world a better place. Hmmmm… do we really believe that comedians make the world a better place? We should honor them! And tune in to them often! 

But it’s not as simple as all that. “Even in laughter, the heart maybe in pain…” (Prov. 14:13) There is a human tendency to cover up our pain with laughter. We need to be honest with ourselves, and grieve at times. The popular movie Inside Out taught us this: sadness is necessary sometimes.  So, when we are disappointed, hurt, or struggling with anger, let’s not cover it up with laughter.

But you don’t want to let you feelings get the best of you either. Grieve, be sad, then move on. People who live by their feelings end up in chaos. Our feelings are not intended to be in the driver’s seat of our life.

So, let your feelings connect you with other people. They do that well.

And laugh, for that connects us with others effortlessly!

Help! I'm a Selfish Pig!

4 tips to better relationships

Whether it is with a spouse, a co-worker, friend, or a child, we all want better relationships. Here are four tips that will help any relationship:

Don’t argue with them. So many of us have to be RIGHT, at the expense of the relationship. Why not just be quiet? You can always bring it up another time when things are calmer. It’s a sign of strength not to bicker. “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” Prov. 20:3  On some things, you can afford to let them think they are right (how many times we went to grandmas last year, for example). Other times, it is imperative that you share your opinion; but do so graciously. Use gentleness, “you win more arguments with honey than with vinegar,” as your mom maybe told you.

Be interested! You can be interested in what they’re saying, even if it’s being interested in them as a person. For example, I sit thru many teens telling me of things that I am not interested in. Things I don’t even understand! But I think to myself, “Wow, this child must feel so abandoned, no one listens to him. I wonder what is going on inside, under all that talk about musicians, or the Internet, etc…” They open up to me because they sense I care.

Listen! Most of us default to self centeredness and don’t really hear what the other person is saying. Try repeating back or paraphrasing what you heard them say. “I hear you’re frustrated because she said one thing and did another.” Wow, the effect will be amazing! They will hardly believe you actually listened! It shows them you are willing to let them say what’s on their heart, without giving advice, ignoring, interrupting, or disagreeing with them. It’s called validating.

Be laid back. I don’t know anyone who appreciates a conversation with someone bent on convincing them of something. You can learn to just enjoy the person for who he is. Yes, even Type A’s can do this! I know because I am one, and I have had to practice not being overbearing in relationships so that others don’t feel threatened by my manner. It’s worth it, it really is!

There’s a way to remember these 4: the acronym GIVE.

Gentle

Interest

Validate

Easy Manner

With intentionality and effort we can improve our relationships.  Let’s go for it! I can’t think of any better New Year’s resolution….

Pray for my spouse? What should I say?

A worthy goal for us in 2016 is to pray more! These simple prayers can be used to keep strong marriages strong, breathe life and hope back into struggling marriages, or anywhere in between. Happy New Year! May we be the people we aspire to be, especially with those we love the most...

 

      8 Simple Prayers that Help Marriages

1.     Lord, give us tender hearts for each other and for You.  This is a powerful prayer. It’s based on Matt. 19:8 where Jesus says that “because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses allowed you divorce.” When we get hurt, we harden our hearts which leads to emotional separation. Pray this daily for our spouses and ourselves! Some days praying this several times is not too often.

2.     Lord, help us to hear You together. In Is. 30:18-21 we learn that He longs to bless us and that He will direct us. How vital to develop the ability to hear His guiding voice in unity! Pray to “hear” and then tell each other what you’ve heard from God. Then pray again to choose a course together.

3.     Lord, what should I say and what should l not say? Help me know how much to say, when to say it, and if I could keep silent on this issue. Prov. 15:23 say that an apt answer brings joy. There are many other Proverbs that speak of the danger of using too many words. We need to learn discernment on what is too much and what is “stuffing it” or saying not enough.

4.     Lord, give me Your eyes to see him/her.  II Cor. 5:16 says we can learn to recognize no one according to the old nature. Asking Him to help us see our spouse with His eyes is very helpful, as our vision is often clouded with our own hurts, preconceived notions, and history of wounds from others.

5.     Lord, help me see myself as You see me. Due to our own personal wounds we are often harsh with ourselves. This also causes us to be critical of our spouse and children. Song of Sol 6:9-10 is a precious Scripture that shows how God sees us. Ps.139:13-16 also address self concept issues. One of the greatest gifts we can give our spouse and children is to allow Him to heal our emotional pain.

6.     Lord, help me to encourage myself.  In I Sam 30:6, David showed that he knew how to encourage himself in God’s strength. Too often we rely on our spouse for encouragement, and try to get all our needs met from him/her. As we learn to rely more on God to meet our needs, it will greatly improve our marriages. We will be like less like a vacuum cleaner, sucking the life out of the other one and more like a fountain, overflowing with love to give out.

7.     Lord, help me to encourage my wife/husband today. Heb. 3:13 urges us to encourage each other, because life is full of discouraging situations that drain us. How can we be part of the solution rather than part of the problem for our spouse?

8.     Lord, give me victory over bitterness. Heb. 12:14-17 warns us that a bitter heart can pollute many. Most notably our children will learn to harbor bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness if we do not get victory over these negative emotions in our marriages. “Forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt the person back who hurt you.” (Dr. Archibald Hart) This understanding has the potential to change marriages everywhere. After all, a marriage is a union of two good forgivers.