Who has the power to “set the thermostat” of the environment
in our homes and places of work? WE do! Do we want the atmosphere to be bitter
and negative, or healthy, hope-filled? Parents, our children marinate in the
atmosphere of our homes. They are looking to us to see how we cope with the
challenges of life! Following are some tips on maintaining a positive and
confidence-building atmosphere:
1) Listen to yourself. How many times do you hear
yourself doing one of the big 3 C’s:
complaining, criticizing, or being cynical? Count how many times you say the word “frustrated”, “annoyed,” or other such words. What comes out of our mouth is
indicative of what is in out hearts, so some time for reflection is in order if
we are speaking too much negativity. Ration
for yourself how many times you will allow yourself to express negativity per
day. Cynicism imparts the attitude
that we are powerless, research suggests that we CAN actively work to change
that. Learned helplessness does not benefit anyone.
2) Develop a supply of positive phrases that you can
say to help you cope with life’s challenges.
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
“Well, the good things about ____
far out weigh the bad.”
“It could be worse. We could live
in ____ were there is no food, medical care, infrastructure, etc.”
“If this is the worst thing
that happens all day (or all week) that is not TOO bad!”
3) Combat anxiety by speaking truth to yourself.
“What’s the worst case scenario?” “What would I do in that case?”
“Is anyone going to die?” (if we
run out paper today, etc.)
“What is the likelihood of that
happening?”
4) Here are some techniques to help us overcome anxiety:
a. Change the “What if’s” to
“What next?” This switches our thinking from the imaginary to the
real: from
awfulizing to seeking solutions, from the huge, nebulous, fear-filled unknown to the next concrete step we can take.
It empowers us and most importantly changes our
focus.
b. Our focus determines our
experience! What am I focusing on? The negative? If ten people
compliment my new haircut, and only one says
she doesn’t like it, do we focus on the
ONE negative?!
c. Choose to believe that “I
am not a victim, I can control my attitude about this. Although I
cannot control other people or the
circumstances, I can control my own attitude.”
d. When we make mistakes, we need
to admit it, and then stop beating ourselves.
“I made a
mistake, that doesn't mean I have no value,
nor does it negate all the good in my life.”
One person said, “There are no such things
as mistakes, only lessons.” What can I learn from this one?
e. People of faith recognize that ultimately
humans are not in control. This is very
helpful to
remind ourselves if our belief system includes
the idea that in all things God works for
the good of those who love Him, who have been
called according to His purpose. It allows us to relinquish control.
5.) List all the positive things that happened today (or
this morning, or about this event, in this situation, etc.). Work hard at
counting/listing your blessings and giving thanks. This skill is very simple
and many have heard it for years. Interestingly enough, it is gaining prestige
as one of the “newest” discoveries in the field of psychology!
Thankfulness is a very valuable weapon in our quest
to defeat anxiety, depression, and “entitlementitis.” But it needs to be
intentional, and it is taught best by example. Rather than preaching at someone
“you should be more thankful,” list things YOU are grateful for, and then ask
them to follow your example.
6) Make it a goal to say at least one positive thing
to as many family members & friends as possible, and to yourself each day.
7) Quiet yourself. Take a few minutes to meditate on
something of beauty and wonder, it will change your perspective. A quiet heart
can receive from God. In our noisy culture we forget the power of stillness.
Some call it the “gentle whisper” or “still small voice.” Peace and a hopeful
attitude simply will not happen if we are constantly allowing ourselves to be
bombarded with external stimuli, including screens! Addiction to screens
creates a climate for anxiety to skyrocket.
Whether we are raising children, or working in another
setting, perhaps with no children around, we will have a higher quality of life
if we learn to be more positive. Far
from being a “Pollyanna,” we will have a quiet confidence that draws others to
us, and commands their respect. Does the
world need such qualities?
