It is said that a parent spells
LOVE to a child with these four letters: TIME.
Yet, in our hectic, rushed lifestyle, how do we manage to carve out time
for our families? In his excellent book Connecting
with Our Kids, Dr. Tim Smith makes a strong case for spending “down
time” with each other to nurture those vital relationships. After all, at the
end of their lives, who ever says that they wish they had spent more time at
the office or on the road?
Equally as
problematic however, is the tendency to over schedule our children. They are
involved in everything: dance lessons, strength training, SAT test coaching,
youth group, sports, music lessons, etc., all good things. But there is left
little time for creative play, or with teens for simply discussing ideas.
Do you know the single common
factor that all families with honor students engaged in? It is not higher
education of the parents or socio-economic status, rather it is family dinners
together! This is also clear in the study of healthy families that turn out
kids most likely to avoid the pitfalls of alcohol and drug abuse and
immorality. Why does the simple fact of
eating together have such a drastic effect on children and youth? It has to do
with the conversation at the table. Children’s’ brains are developing and they
need opportunities to converse with parent, to be heard and to express
themselves. At the table all are equal, and there is a certain intimacy that
comes from eating together. Teenagers especially need to be able to try out
their newly developing deeper thinking and logic skills (that’s why they argue
so much!). Wise parents dialogue with them, gently and respectfully, firmly
guiding them into truth.
We can learn some practical tips
from those who have successfully raised their children. One of those is my pastor,
Rob Ketterling, who makes the following suggestions.
1) Each
quarter give them something to look forward to. Otherwise “sometime” never
comes. Example: Going to grandma’s, going to a game… you can do that once a
quarter!
2) When they are 10, they get to
choose a place to go on vacation. When they are 13, have a little ceremony
where you have two adults speak into their lives. They should know them, and
share some godly encouragement with them and also a warning.
3) If you spank, never do so such
that it leaves a mark. It should never be out of control, both parents should
be there to quell the other ones anger. Better to wait than to spank then in
anger.
4) Express affection to your
spouse in front of them; this is very important.
5) They should go on a missions
trip when teenagers. Go on a family one.
6) Too much of anything is not
good. Too much discipline without nurture is like putting weed killer all over
your lawn! How can it grow up when there is too much correction on it? Now
don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that you neglect the kids by letting
them do whatever they want. But most Christian parents err on the side of
constantly correcting their child.
“Don’t do this! Don’t do that! Be careful…!” Are there 5 times as many
good positive things as negative that your child hears?
7) Is your faith just a part of
your life, on the fringe? Or is it vital, woven into every aspect of the kid’s
life? Get as excited about when the child reads God’s word on his own; loves to
tithe on his own; prays for missions on his own…as his earning power, his
grades, her goal in soccer.
Our society is not family
friendly. The skills needed to succeed at business are antithetical to those
needed to develop strong family relationships. Let’s spend TIME with our
children, building them up, nurturing their hearts. Let’s swim against the
tide.
