We strive to keep our ear to the ground, listening to the
heartbeats of our children and their peers.
So often we hear, "I don't trust authority!"
Why is this? In spite of our numerous admonitions to respect
their parents, teachers, coaches and other adults as they were growing up, our
children are pushing back. Why?
Perhaps it has something to do with our abuse of authority.
My husband and I relate to many young people who have grown
up in churches where reverence, obedience, and respect for authority were
taught continually! Where did we, the Church, go wrong?
Did we over-emphasize the concept of authority? Did we go
too far in our efforts to control our children’s behavior?
Children who are over-controlled do not learn to think for
themselves. They understand only fear, and instead of finding their own way,
they will readily follow another tyrant who will tell them what to do.
Authoritarian parents send them the message "You can't do this on your
own, I need to do your thinking for you. So do what I say,
unquestioningly." How discouraging this is to kids! No wonder many are so
emotionally immature.
Many have turned to other philosophies that repudiate the
idea of trusting and obeying the principles their parents hold dear. With the
shift has come a drastic change in their values as well. Many well-meaning parents end up discouraged,
despairing, and very confused.
I believe that, for many, the answer lies in understanding a
concept known as spiritual abuse.
Religious systems teach that God exists and is the Ultimate Authority.
But the parents, teachers, and religious leaders often misrepresent this God that
they speak of as Love.
Well-meaning parents, pastors, and others use Bible verses,
spiritual principles, lectures, and punitive measures to control their
children. Such harsh methods do not
allow a young person to express his or her voice, which is so vital to healthy
development. These methods may work for a while, primarily while the kids are
young. But eventually the children will
reject the message, "You can't think for yourself, so do it my way!" It’s
is too discouraging. So they will rebel, crying out for justice.
Disrespect, contempt, and even aggression characterize way
too many parents', teachers' and pastors' approaches. Children imitate the
character of their parents. Is it any surprise that many are now disrespectful
and contemptuous of authority?
As parents, teachers and leaders, we need to 1) recognize
the error of our ways, 2) ask our children to forgive us, 3) educate ourselves
about spiritual abuse, and 4) respect our children’s voice, even if we don't
agree with it.
Can we learn to disagree respectfully? Let's do so, and
model it for the next generation.
