How Do I Get My Needs Met in a Pandemic?

Needs? How can we have them met in this crazy crisis? The whole world is thrown into chaos, and we are left reeling. Everyone says “Don’t be afraid,” (everyone except the news media, that is) but how do you do that?

Let me list four human needs and tell how you can meet each one in these unusual times.

The first one is for Connection.  All of us know intuitively that we were created for community, for connection, with other human beings. Even introverts. But socially isolating is wreaking havoc with all of that.

We must connect to feel human! At least once a day call, FaceTime, or talk with a human. A good friend. Make yourself do this, and if you feel awkward, DO IT ANYWAY! Better to feel momentarily awkward than to shrivel up and be depressed. (Texting is widely used, but only marginally connects people.)

The second need is for Routine or Order. Children especially thrive when there is an order to their day, when they know what to expect. If you have trouble with that one, imagine a classroom with kids milling around before the teacher comes in. It tends to become more and more chaotic, until the teacher restores order.

When you wake up in the morning, plan the day. Make a list if you want. Give approximate times: “at 8:00 we’ll have breakfast, at 8:30 we’ll do chores, at 9:00 we’ll start school, at 10:00 we’ll take a break for recess…” Of course some down time is necessary, but not too much! Plan a fun thing each day, but stick to a routine. (That’s why “make your bed” is the first thing in my previous blog, How to Stay Sane in Quarantine.) If you’re alone, it’s equally important to have some routine, and a plan for each day.

The third need is for Control. Every human being needs the freedom of choice, and certain amount of control over their lives. That’s why giving simple choices works so well with children. But we have lost much control recently! There are so many things we want to do but can’t.

Try making two lists. One is for things you can’t control, and that you worry about. For some, this list might be a long one. The set your timer for 5 minutes, and WORRY about these things. Do the “what if” for all of them, think of the worst case scenarios. When the timer goes off “DING,” the put these in a box, on the shelf. Give them to God. You can’t control them anyway, so what good does worry do?

Then make a list of things you CAN control. What you wear, what you eat, whether to FaceTime with someone now or later, what activities to do today. Most importantly, your attitude! You can control your attitude, if you will be grateful or grumpy today. Try it, it works. You can choose your words, you can encourage someone else, you can be cheerful. “A merry heart does good like a medicine...” (Prov. 17:22)

The fourth need we all have is sense of Competency. We need to engage in some activities that we are reasonably good at each day. If we’ve lost our job, or are temporarily laid off, we might feel dejected, like we can’t do what we’re good at. But you can! Now, for you perfectionists out there, I’m not talking about things you’re perfect at, nor that you’ve mastered. Rather, things that you feel somewhat good after doing.

Think baking, reading, juggling, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, sewing, telling jokes, knitting, cooking…the sky’s the limit. It is important that we feel good about ourselves each day. Perhaps you have a kind heart, and like to encourage others. DO IT! Smiling at someone might make their day. Each of us can find something we’re “kind of” good at everyday to do. How about a new hobby, one that you haven’t had time to do before?

 At the end of the day, list all the things you did right today. (Rather than all the mistake you made.) You’ll feel a lot better!

So, if you work at it, be creative and find ways to meet the needs of Connection, Routine, Control, and Competency be met.

 We’ll get through this! And have stories to tell others 20 years from now…