Today is our 41st
wedding anniversary. To celebrate it, I will publish a blog on disappointment!
Overcoming disappointment is one of the reasons we have a happy marriage…
We all experience disappointment
in life. “Not getting what we hoped
for” happens on a regular basis; sometimes it is a huge, life-
changing disappointment, such as the tragic death of a loved one.
Sometimes it is a lower level disappointment, such as the cancellation
of a picnic due to rain, or anything in between.
for” happens on a regular basis; sometimes it is a huge, life-
changing disappointment, such as the tragic death of a loved one.
Sometimes it is a lower level disappointment, such as the cancellation
of a picnic due to rain, or anything in between.
Regardless, we may struggle to adjust to our
loss. There are a variety of ways we can respond to disappointment, some are
useful, some are not so useful,
for our long range emotional & relational health.
It’s no wonder I taught my granddaughter the word “Disappointment” when she
was barely two. It’s an important one to identify!
I remember how I used to deal with disappointment. I had a pity party!
“Poor me! It always happens to me…” For years I lived like that. Then
one day, I decided that I didn’t want to go through life as a
disappointed person. Thus began my journey OUT of the mire.
The most common response is to blame. Blame one’s spouse, blame God,
blame the authorities, blame the government, blame ourselves, or any
combination of these. It is certainly human to attribute blame when we
are hurt, and the anger we feel is normal.
for our long range emotional & relational health.
It’s no wonder I taught my granddaughter the word “Disappointment” when she
was barely two. It’s an important one to identify!
I remember how I used to deal with disappointment. I had a pity party!
“Poor me! It always happens to me…” For years I lived like that. Then
one day, I decided that I didn’t want to go through life as a
disappointed person. Thus began my journey OUT of the mire.
The most common response is to blame. Blame one’s spouse, blame God,
blame the authorities, blame the government, blame ourselves, or any
combination of these. It is certainly human to attribute blame when we
are hurt, and the anger we feel is normal.
I remember when I was disappointed that we
didn’t get to go to the mission field. The most logical thing was to blame my
husband, since 1) we didn’t have enough
money and 2) he didn’t want to go as passionately as I did. That hung
between us for quite a few years! (Thankfully, we are on the same page
now).
money and 2) he didn’t want to go as passionately as I did. That hung
between us for quite a few years! (Thankfully, we are on the same page
now).
We need to recognize
and learn to manage two emotions wisely: anger and grief.
Anger is the response of our body to a stimulus that it perceives as
threatening. As a secondary emotion, the various degrees of anger
mask fear, pain, and shame. This is not a well known fact; many are
unaware that when they experience anger, they are actually struggling
to deal with underlying fear and hurt.
Some are afraid of anger, having grown up in a family atmosphere
where anger was handled poorly and caused much pain. When anger is not
managed, it leads to harm. Bottled-up anger leads to depression or
self loathing. Anger that is expressed in an aggressive manner usually
harms others either verbally or physically.
Contrary to popular belief, anger does not subside by merely
expressing angry feelings. The self-talk that fuels it needs to be
changed. “He should change! I can’t stand it! It’s all her fault! I never get what I want!” are some examples of self talk that we need to change to successfully cause our angry feelings to subside.
Grief is an emotion that may be due to a tangible or an intangible
loss. Obvious losses such as death, divorce, a job loss, or a
financial setback are easy to identify. More hidden are the intangible
losses: loss of a dream, the inevitable changes that come with time
such as aging, children leaving home, our bodies deteriorating, etc.
Anger is the response of our body to a stimulus that it perceives as
threatening. As a secondary emotion, the various degrees of anger
mask fear, pain, and shame. This is not a well known fact; many are
unaware that when they experience anger, they are actually struggling
to deal with underlying fear and hurt.
Some are afraid of anger, having grown up in a family atmosphere
where anger was handled poorly and caused much pain. When anger is not
managed, it leads to harm. Bottled-up anger leads to depression or
self loathing. Anger that is expressed in an aggressive manner usually
harms others either verbally or physically.
Contrary to popular belief, anger does not subside by merely
expressing angry feelings. The self-talk that fuels it needs to be
changed. “He should change! I can’t stand it! It’s all her fault! I never get what I want!” are some examples of self talk that we need to change to successfully cause our angry feelings to subside.
Grief is an emotion that may be due to a tangible or an intangible
loss. Obvious losses such as death, divorce, a job loss, or a
financial setback are easy to identify. More hidden are the intangible
losses: loss of a dream, the inevitable changes that come with time
such as aging, children leaving home, our bodies deteriorating, etc.
Grieving is a sign
of love: our tears, sadness, sorrow, and other
emotions we experience demonstrate the depth of our love. To cope
with the grief we need to talk about our feelings with a safe,
non-judgmental person.
We MUST feel to heal! Crying, vigorous exercise, painting, writing,
are all constructive ways to express feelings. Only by letting out the
hurt will you make room for healing.
Many Americans do not know what to do with the emotion of grief. In
our “quick fix”, “get over it and get on with it” society, we often do
not allow the time necessary to honor our emotional pain. The
unfortunate result of this hurry-up attitude is that many people live
with unresolved grief. Undealt-with grief frequently turns to
bitterness.
The topic of bitterness will be my blog in two weeks. Meanwhile, let’s
honor our emotions of disappointment and grief.
emotions we experience demonstrate the depth of our love. To cope
with the grief we need to talk about our feelings with a safe,
non-judgmental person.
We MUST feel to heal! Crying, vigorous exercise, painting, writing,
are all constructive ways to express feelings. Only by letting out the
hurt will you make room for healing.
Many Americans do not know what to do with the emotion of grief. In
our “quick fix”, “get over it and get on with it” society, we often do
not allow the time necessary to honor our emotional pain. The
unfortunate result of this hurry-up attitude is that many people live
with unresolved grief. Undealt-with grief frequently turns to
bitterness.
The topic of bitterness will be my blog in two weeks. Meanwhile, let’s
honor our emotions of disappointment and grief.
“For everything there is a season,” says the
Scripture. Can we put up with the
disappointment by seeing it as a season? Temporary? Even if the
circumstances are not temporary, our perspective is. It can change.
disappointment by seeing it as a season? Temporary? Even if the
circumstances are not temporary, our perspective is. It can change.
So, honor your
grief, anger, and pain, but hold on to hope. This too
shall pass…
shall pass…
No comments:
Post a Comment