There is a classic book buy this name, by Manuel J. Smith, and it’s
worth putting on your reading list. Suffice it to say, many of us
have trouble saying “no”, but some of us REALLY have difficulty!
Here are 7 ways to say “no,” borrowed from Chere Bork. (cherebork.com)
1. “I’m sorry that won’t work for me right now.” These are magic
coaching words that can be used any time.
2. “Thanks for thinking of me. Can you give me 24 hours to think about
it?” Never say yes until you’ve thought about it for a day!
3. “I can’t help you right now, but I can help you next week!”
Everyone wants help yesterday. This delayed yes works like a charm
most of the time, as people want help now.
4. “I can’t do this, but I can…” Maybe you really want to do what
they are requesting but don’t have the time or energy. By giving a
smaller commitment you can still feel like you are giving, but on your
terms.
5. “I know someone else who could do this.” Often there is someone who
has more time, talent, and energy for what you are being asked to do.
6. “Thanks, I will have to pass on that.” Then shut up. No explaining! None!
7. Use the broken record technique by saying “no” three times. Keep
repeating it in a neutral, low tone and say it again. You could even
say “What about no do you not understand?” if they don’t seem to
accept it, and you’ve said it several times.
Put a Post-it note by your phone with the words “NO,NO,NO” to remind you.
You’ll feel much better setting boundaries. I remember when a little
girl was jumping around in my kitchen saying, “Will you read to me,
Cynthia, please, please, please?” I knew if I stopped what I was doing
and read to her right then, (I was in my pajamas) I would feel
resentful and frustrated inside. I answered, “No, not right now. When
I’ve gotten dressed and ready to go, and my stuff is ready, then I
will read to you.” I did what had to be done first, then read to her.
It did two things: 1) taught her patience, she had to wait, and 2) I
was not resentful inside!
Boundaries do nothing but good. It’s the false guilt that we have to
get to victory over. So let’s do it!
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