If Christmas is so Merry, Then Why am I Depressed?

 

“It’s the very best time of the year” we hear in the words of a famous Christmas carol. If that is the case, then why do so many people struggle depression during this time? The truth is, rather than being the merriest time of the year, Christmas is for many one of the saddest times. Why?

 

One of the biggest culprits is Unrealistic Expectations: “I should be happy,” we tell ourselves, as we race from event to event. Underneath we fell guilty for spending too much money, eating too much, and being crabby with our family members. Over- extended, we say yes with a saccharine smile, while inside counting the days until this hectic season is over.  Then we get into a vicious cycle: too busy, angry, and depressed, so we do more to cover it up, try harder, get angrier, more depressed…

 

There are several ways to break this cycle. Consider listening to your self talk. “I should” can be tyrannical. Try replacing some of the “shoulds” with “I can” or “I want to.” Instead of “I should give Aunt Matilda a gift,” saying “I can do it” not only indicates your choice of giving her the gift, but also allows you to choose the option not to if you are honest with yourself and that’s really how you feel! (What is the worst that could happen?) This will help us identify what we really do want to do, and feel better about what we actually choose.

Wisdom tells us to prioritize, simplify, and cut out unnecessary activities. Do you really have to bake 12 kinds of cookies just because your mom did?  Our family had a tradition of making all homemade gifts for each other. It was a great relief when I realized that in the 21^st century, that just doesn’t work for me anymore.

 

If you are a family that is grieving or adjusting to new living conditions, give yourself some space! If loss has occurred through death or divorce, expecting yourself to have happy feelings is being out of touch with reality. God does not expect such things. Many well-meaning friends and relatives may understand neither the depth of your grief, nor the most helpful way to help you deal with it. Here forgiveness would play a vital role.

Take care of yourself, seek out counsel, and find support as you move through this season.  Melancholy during any time needs to be identified and validated.  Our culture, based as it is on entertainment aimed at emotional highs, does not encourage a mature treatment of grief or depression.

 

 Some families find it helpful to cancel extraneous activities such as multiple parties and instead go down to a homeless shelter to help the poor. Any way of reaching out to someone less fortunate than ourselves is very therapeutic for self-pity. Reading stories about such people does wonders for helping me tell myself the truth about my situation, Whatever I’m struggling with, it’s not as bad as those living in war-torn, desperately poor countries, or having suffered unspeakable tragedies, like the loss of all one’s family members, genocide, debilitating brain injuries, etc.

 

In closing, the real “Reason for the Season” is not happy feelings. 

We can reject some of the stress that comes from doing too much, and more importantly the expectations that drive it.  Take care of yourself, learn to say “no,” spend your valuable time on fewer activities, cultivate traditions that focus on relationship. Our Savior’s birth is the epitome of simplicity. As we take steps to reject unrealistic cultural and familial expectations, we surely will experience more of the peace that He came to give us.