Temper Tantrums: 3 Tips

Temper Tantrums

You’re in the cereal aisle when World War III breaks out. Your five year old son is screaming that he wants the Chocolate Critters with Marshmallow Frosting and you say no. Oh no! What a mean mommy you are! How are you going to handle the scene? EVERYONE in the store can hear him shouting at you, accusing you of being a horrible monster…

Parents everywhere face similar meltdowns from their children. It is NOT, as believed, a sign of poor parenting, but of good parenting! (“This is the reward?” you must be thinking.) The parent who says “yes” all the time to avoid meltdowns will regret it in the future. Here are three steps to handle to weapons that children will use to get their own way.

1)      Stop talking. 1-2-3 Magic expert Dr. Phelan says “Children see parents’ reasons and explanations as parental whimpering- sure signs that the parent doesn’t know what he or she is doing.” The kid senses that the parent isn’t sure, and presses in for the victory. And too often they win.

 Words that parents speak only pour gas on the fire.  Parents need to be gentle and firm with decisive action. Not words. Use a maximum of 10 words when the child is emotional. Better only one or two.

2)      Play it cool, don’t react.  How we handle it in the first 10 seconds is everything, and the best thing to do is nothing. Do not make eye contact, do not talk to her/him, ignore as much as is possible. There might need to be consequences, such as putting him in his room. (Or it may help just to sit with her until she calms down, not saying anything.) Checking out will surprise and bewilder the little ones; they will soon realize that tantrum get them one thing: Nothing.

3)      Be consistent. In public places, the child will soon figure out what works for him. She will yell and act up if she knows the parents will give in. Best to have your battle plan set before it happens. We will leave the store. Nothing you need is as important as the lesson that your child is not in charge.

Once your child (and you) have calmed down, talk about what happened, and how to avoid it in the future.  Briefly! Avoid shaming him/her, which long lectures do. Your child needs to know that she will be heard, but AFTER he calms down. And she needs to accept the fact that you are in charge. “Love you too much to argue,” is a commonly used phrase, MUCH BETTER than “Because I said so.”

Note: Your child will repeat it in the future, so don’t be surprised when he does. The goal is to have the tantrums be further apart and shorter, that’s progress.

Your child is watching you to see how you will react to his temper tantrum. Show him that you are cool, calm, and collected- and you love him too much to let him win.