4 tips to better relationships
Whether it is with a spouse, a co-worker, friend, or a
child, we all want better relationships. Here are four tips that will help any
relationship:
Don’t
argue with them. So many of us have to be RIGHT, at the expense of the
relationship. Why not just be quiet? You can always bring it up another time
when things are calmer. It’s a sign of strength not to bicker. “Keeping away
from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” Prov. 20:3 On some things, you can afford to let them
think they are right (how many times we went to grandmas last year, for example).
Other times, it is imperative that you share your opinion; but do so
graciously. Use gentleness, “you win
more arguments with honey than with vinegar,” as your mom maybe told you.
Be
interested! You can be interested in what they’re saying, even if it’s
being interested in them as a person. For example, I sit thru many teens
telling me of things that I am not interested in. Things I don’t even
understand! But I think to myself, “Wow, this child must feel so abandoned, no
one listens to him. I wonder what is going on inside, under all that talk about
musicians, or the Internet, etc…” They open up to me because they sense I care.
Listen!
Most of us default to self centeredness and don’t really hear what the other
person is saying. Try repeating back or paraphrasing what you heard them say.
“I hear you’re frustrated because she said one thing and did another.” Wow, the
effect will be amazing! They will hardly believe you actually listened! It
shows them you are willing to let them
say what’s on their heart, without giving advice, ignoring, interrupting,
or disagreeing with them. It’s called validating.
Be
laid back. I don’t know anyone who appreciates a conversation with someone
bent on convincing them of something. You can learn to just enjoy the person
for who he is. Yes, even Type A’s can do this! I know because I am one, and I
have had to practice not being overbearing in relationships so that others
don’t feel threatened by my manner.
It’s worth it, it really is!
There’s a way to remember these 4: the acronym GIVE.
Gentle
Interest
Validate
Easy Manner
With intentionality and effort we can improve our
relationships. Let’s go for it! I can’t
think of any better New Year’s resolution….
love you!
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