Are We Too Religious?

The otherday I saw a photo of Jonathan Roumie, the actor who plays Jesus in The Chosen,goofing around being silly, sliding down a railing. He was even in his robes!  My first impression was that “this is irreverent”. Kind of like I felt in 1972 when I heard they had underwear that had “Jesus loves you” on it. Yuck, a definite aversion. Then the same day I heard a podcast by Dutch Sheets in which he talks about Jesus dancing and having fun. Hmmmm, is God trying to tell me something? Too often our impression of Jesus is that He is stoic, serious, ready to call out sin, never laughing or having fun. Is this accurate? Could it be that He is greater than we imagined? That in our zeal to defend His holiness, we actually keep people FROM Him?  Dutch Sheets prayed this prayer the other day: "Teach us that HOLY DOESN'T MEAN SOMBER... Bring a presence movement to the Church that shows the world how irresistible you are." Let's let ourselves believe in a more marvelous revelation of Jesus than our religious upbringing has taught us. "The coming great awakening will result in the greatest celebrations of worship in earth's history." As I think of Jonathan Roumie playing with his friends, I am warmed by Jesus' humanity, and love Him more because of it. Two suggestions: 1) watch The Chosen. You can download the app, it's truly fantastic.2) read The Pleasure of His Company by Dutch Sheets. You can download an app to hear him or read his material at Give Him 15. The quotes in this blog are taken from this book.God is doing a new thing, let's not miss it!  

Americans Don't Do Grief!

Grief. Will we comfort with wisdom and understanding, or use meaningless platitudes? The latter can cause more pain, suffering, heartache. Do we want to be guilty of that? Read on…. “I acknowledge your pain. I’m here with you.” Notice that I said with you not for you. For you implies that you’re going to do something. That’s not for you to enact. But to stand with your loved one, to suffer with them, is incredibly powerful. Just be present, as long as is necessary. Don’t leave when you feel uncomfortable or when you feel like you’re not doing anything. In fact, it’s when you feel uncomfortable and like you’re not doing anything that you must stay. It’s in those places- in the shadows of horror where we rarely allow ourselves to enter- where the beginnings of healing are found. The healing is found when we have others who are willing to enter that space alongside us. Every grieving person on earth needs these people. Some things in life cannot be fixed, they can only be carried. Grief is brutally painful. To say the awful words “Everything happens for a reason” is spiritual, emotional, and psychological violence. It denies their humanity. It robs them of the chance to grieve! It shows a tremendous lack of understanding on the part of the person who says it. In so doing, we steal a bit of their freedom at the intersection of their greatest fragility and despair. Wow, digest that for a minute. Re-read the last paragraph. Think about the last time you said that. Vow never to say it again! Grief does not only occur when someone dies. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve. Trauma is a source of tremendous grief. Yet our culture treats grief like a problem to be solved or an illness to be healed. Americans do not know how to grieve well. We've done everything we can to avoid, ignore, or transform grief. So that now, when you're faced with tragedy, you usually find that you're no longer surrounded by people — you're surrounded by platitudes. (Tim Lawrence) Mistakes well-meaning people make in trying to help those who grieve: 1. Not listening well a. Giving unasked-for advice b. Minimizing the pain, saying “I know how you feel” c. Giving them quick solutions d. Criticizing them e. Becoming distracted, not really listening with the heart f. Becoming impatient, or putting them on a time schedule 2. Misunderstanding of the need for processing grief a. Not allowing the person to feel angry or hopeless b. Trying to hurry them along in the process c. Harboring the belief that crying is not acceptable d. Expectation that they will “get over it & move on” quickly e. Trying to teach them before they are ready f. Pressuring them to forgive before they have processed and are ready. Let’s be emotionally intelligent people! Let’s really comfort people, not add to their pain.

A week in Haiti!

Words fail me. The experiences in Haiti were humbling, and I’m having trouble finding expression for them. Let me start by saying what an amazing organization Healing Haiti is. Only 15 years old, God’s favor certainly rests on it. Unlike past many mission trips, we did not take anything down for the people there. “You can’t compete with free.” Our leader told us. “Our goal is to create jobs and empower families.” They are doing just that in a phenomenal way. Fleri, their bread business, has rapidly increased in production, now employing nearly 300 Haitians. Many of their customers are wholesalers, who go on to earn their own money from reselling the bread. All of their families, with multiple hundreds of children, benefit. Soon Fleri will purchase more ovens, without any outside help from the US. Truly God has blessed and multiplied this bakery, whose name means “flourish” in Creole. Healing Haiti works primarily in 3 locations: Cite Solei, Port au Prince, and Titianyen. In these places, schools, medical clinics, and churches have been established. They’re staffed by Haitians who are trained and devoted to the improvement of the community. I was impressed that they have nearly 900 children enrolled in school. Some have graduated from Grace Academy and are attending medical school, business school, and other professions- with an eye and a heart to help their people in the future. We ministered to elders in the elder care program, by massaging their feet and bodies with lotion. Rubbing a person’s tough, leathery skin was precious, as I thought of all the places she had walked in those feet during her lifetime. When we sang with them, how their faces lit up with joy! There’s so much more I could tell. Like holding babies at Mother Theresa’s Sisters’ home. And helping slave children carry water in Cite Solei. I really hope you’ll go to the website www.healinghaiti.org to see more pictures, getting a taste of what we saw and did. Personally I was humbled to serve alongside such a remarkable staff. God convicted me of selfishness and challenged me to do more for His kingdom. I intend to obey. After seeing the Haitians serve with such abandon, how could I not? Praise: A wonderful team, all 15 of us connected quickly and beautifully. Safety, health, and effective serving. God spoke to everyone on the team! Prayer Requests: Revival in the communities of Cite Solei, Titanyen, and Port au Prince. Continued flourishing in Fleri, Grace Village, and Hope Academy For the government of Haiti to have more integrity and less corruption.

An Antidote to Entitlement in Kids...

I haven't written a blog in a while because I was busy getting my new book out. "Why is the Driveway on Fire? Parenting Your Teens and Tweens" is a compilation of 15 blogs on the subject of parenting that I've written over that years. It's available in e-book and in paperback from Amazon. Today I want to highlight an article from NPR on parenting that I thought was very interesting. It looks at other cultures and how they teach their kids to help/do chores. Very good! I'll put the link here, and you can go to it. It caught my eye because of the catchy title: "Are We Raising Unhelpful, Bossy Kids? Here's the Fix." That's one of the antidotes to entitlement-itis: doing chores. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2021/03/05/974069925/are-we-raising-unhelpful-bossy-kids-heres-the-fix We Americans can learn a lot from other cultures, so let's humble ourselves and do it!

American History? The Controversy

“American schoolchildren today learn two things about Thomas Jefferson: that he wrote the Declaration of Independence, and that he was a slaveholder. This is a stunted and dishonest teaching about Jefferson.” (Larry P. Arnn, Ph. D., president of Hillsdale College) Arnn goes on to explain that when our nation expanded into the Northwest Territory, slavery was forbidden in that territory…on the motion of Thomas Jefferson. They don’t learn that Jefferson wrote “I tremble for my country, when I reflect that God is just…The Almighty has no attribute that can take side with us in … a contest (between master and slave).” Focusing on the issue of slavery alone is like a peacenik person condemning the world for going to war against Germany in 1914 and 1939. Sure, it would be ideal, but there are other things in the mix. Is slavery wrong? Yes, but did Jefferson and others wrestle with the question? Are we communicating that to our kids? People are complicated, and have many complex issues in every era to wrestle with. To say that slavery was the only issue worth looking at, does our kids a disservice. I was sad to hear an 8th grader tell me that she wouldn’t wear a patriotic mask, because it “wasn’t her.” “I’m not ashamed of my country when I go to other countries,” she hastened to explain to me, “But it just isn’t me.” I responded by saying that “Being patriotic isn’t wrong…” but I didn’t know exactly how to answer her. After all, she’s been taught a different US History that I was. The 1619 Project is a curriculum that makes a person ashamed of America. It’s pre-supposition is that we were focused on slavery, and had nothing but greed and hatred in our hearts as the nation unfolded. The 1776 Curriculum, however, is more objective. It looks at the good that America has brought to the world. “After all, all men are sinners!” I told this 8th grader who has been taught that our founding fathers were all hypocrites. “But what good did they accomplish?” America has been and is today a refuge for many people from nations that do not respect freedom. I pray that many of our youth will see that, and become proud of the United States. In world history, there has never been a country with so many freedoms. May we keep them.

Does What We Eat Affect How We Feel?

I never thought I'd  be writing this. But after several times of the Lord tapping me on the shoulder, I need to. What we eat really has an effect on how we feel. I read a book recently: Take Charge of Your Cholesterol by Dr. Richard Furman, and it really impacted me. For years I'd operated under the assumption that since I fasted once a week, I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted to on the other 6 days. After all, I'm not a junk food junkie, and ate "pretty healthy." Well, that's false. My cholesterol was sky high (and getting higher) and I couldn't manage to take off the extra weight I'd put on. Then I read a book by Carolyn Leaf, one of my favorite authors, and she devotes a whole book to food. I read some other books on the topic too. Hmmmm.  So I decided to do it. I ate vegetables, cut out most red meat, half and half, cheese, sour cream, and egg yolks, replacing them with fruits, lots of vegetables, and even fish. A drastic change... And the FIRST thing I noticed is that I felt better! Surprise! As time went on, I lost the extra weight too, and I have yet to have my cholesterol checked. But I continue to feel better!  So, from a mental health perspective, it DOES have an amazing effect on your soul if you take care of your body. Your soul is your mind, will, and emotions. The feelings we feel are often associated with the soul, but they are inextricably connected to the body as well. Think if you have a headache: it's from your body, but it affects your soul.  So it is with food. Now, if you are an emotional eater, like I am, that poses a problem. How can I get my needs met, and not over-indulge in junk? The answer is substitution. Substitute carrots, spinach, green peppers, broccoli, sweet potatoes, apples, oranges, pears, and bananas for as Carolyn Leaf calls "false food-like substances." The stuff when you read the wrapper, most of it is unpronounceable. That's not real food. And your body knows it.  Try it. Change your eating habits for a few weeks, and see if you don't feel better. Less groggy, less lethargic, more energetic, more zest for life. It's worth it! Take it from a foodie, who's now a real food foodie! -- Cynthia Gill

Covid and Empathy

What have we learned from 7 months of Covid? Well, one thing for sure: we can handle disappointments. They're not fun. They're hard. And we've all had more than our share of them this past several months, some big and some small. But we've all survived. It may seem to some of us that we have had more disappointments in the past 7 months than the past 7 years! I think our kids have had to put up with more disappointments than we ever had to in this short amount of time. How are they handling it? Well, it depends on how we adults are coping. Are we whining and complaining? Or are we accepting it, grudgingly to be sure, but are we accepting it? Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. Most of them don't even complain about wearing masks, that is unless they hear their parents grumbling about it. For many adults, it's more about loss of freedom than anything else. Children don't have that perspective. They simply shrug and adjust.  To be sure we've learned to wash our hands more often. This is great. Many people noticed the hoards of people walking, and families walking together. Bike sales have skyrocketed. So this is how we adjust...One thing that has amazed me is how creatively people have solved problems this past spring and summer. The seniors graduating in 2020 came up with some innovative ways to celebrate, since they couldn't do the traditional things. I saw gatherings at people's houses, in cars; processions of people (all social distancing) with creatively decorated cars. The exuberance of youth could not be extinguished by a pandemic! How about people that had church in their cars? Or on the lawn? Now they're wearing coats and bringing blankets. And everyone learned how to use Zoom, Google hangouts, and 100 other technological devices that make connecting possible. One parent observed that families are finding more things at home to do. Puzzles, crafts, gardening, board games are all making a comeback. My daughter in law went online and bought a whole bunch of crafts as soon as she found out school was going to be at home last spring. Good thing, they were all sold out in a week. Concerts are available online, another new thing.   I want to highlight the good things that have come from this unprecedented time. We all know the bad things (if we have seen any news at all).  We've had to limit our social contacts, and there's a danger that we will become even more cynical about relationships. It could cause us "people people" to spend time alone, reflecting. But for the person who's already lonely (most Americans), it is having lethal and terrible consequences in the rising suicdie rate, rising relapse rate, depression and anxiety have skyrocketed. As a mental health professional, my client load has doubled, and I'm turning people away. For some, they're turning to God and eternal things. "A person's ability to endure is based on their ability to look beyond the physical to the spiritual, and beyond the visible to the invisible.: That's based on II Cor. 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at things that are seen, but at things that are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."   But sadly, not everyone believes it. We can have empathy for those who don't have faith. The elderly have been hit the hardest with Covid, and many of them are terribly lonely. Their kids and grandkids can't visit them. I'm convinced that some are dying of a broken heart. How sad! It's a tragedy. A good opportunity to teach empathy.  But it doesn't help to focus on the negative. Phil 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  We can learn and teach empathy in this crazy time. We can keep on keeping on...